Konnichiwa, my fellow humans! As a first post, I want to delve into the ramblings of my ex. Now, this is a woman who is 13 years older than me with a history of severe mental health issues. She had gotten violent with me on several occasions and convinced me of rather demented things. I was with her for around 3 years. During that time, she poured boiling water on my arm so we could get drugs, stole money from me on several occasions, and never did her PCA work unless I was physically unable to do it and begged. She did so much more negative things to me, as well. For the sake of anonymity, I shall henceforth refer to her as Exacerbating Ex. Because my time with her severely decreased my ability to function on my own.
Now, you may be asking “but Autist-chan, why didn’t you just leave?” Well, as with many people in abusive relationships, I had no idea it was that bad. Exacerbating Ex would tell me everything was my fault, make me think I was crazy, and do things and turn it around on me. Currently, she’s making claims that I got her drunk and high and raped her. I did no such thing. Anyone with half a brain who talked with me for five minutes would realize I am incapable of such devious behavior due to my rigid black and white thinking and high sense of moral code.
I am not going to deny having sexual relations with that woman. I am not Bill Clinton. There were plenty of times I didn’t want to have sex, but my repeated statement of ‘no’ just meant ‘until she convinced me’ to her. I also always performed sexual acts for her, such as oral sex on her and such. That is what she wanted. I always stopped when she said to, I paid attention to what she said. All except one occasion was initiated by her as well. The one time I tried to initiate, she turned me down, so I stopped. When she reciprocated, which was rare, I didn’t like it, because I don’t like other people touching me. I don’t mind masturbating, and I find masturbation quite a healthy practice. I prefer masturbating to sex, if I’m being completely honest.
But I digress. Going back to what she’s doing now. Exacerbating Ex has recently hacked into my email and has accused me of raping her, getting her drunk, getting her high, apparently I convinced her that being gay was normal (side note: it is, nothing wrong with being gay), stole money from her, never managed my own funds properly, and stated her good heart never charged me rent. Alas, that is as far from the truth as possible. My own mother can attest to constantly giving us additional food and money because Exacerbating Ex constantly told me to ask Okaasan for it. I am not one for forcing peer pressure onto others, although, admittingly, I will frequently do what others tell me to because I want to belong and be loved. That is a trait of the autism, however, and it is something I am working on in therapy. Exacerbating Ex would frequently take money from me and then send me to Okaasan’s when I was out so she wouldn’t have to deal with me. Additionally, she would also send me to the liquor store on an almost daily occurrence and beg me to drink with her so that she wouldn’t feel like such an alcoholic.
Ah, there is so much I wish to write out right now, but I need to go to the grocer’s for provisions. I shall post a part two upon my return.
Until we meet again,
The Sarcastic Autist