How goes it, my dear reader? I hope it goes according to how you desire it to go. Today, I’m just going to write a hopefully quick blurb about stimming, why I call it my spazzing, and why I love to do it. First up, though, I just want to tell you that I had to people today and I peopled quite well thank you very much. I managed to get on a bus and a train and then another bus and only got lost once I reached my actual destination. I may tell you all about the amazing adventures I have on public transportation one day, but today, I’m going to just stick to our regular scheduled random rant. I adore alliteration, by the by.
Anywho, on to my spazzing. I don’t like the word stimming. It tastes weird in my mouth, much like the word fin, pin, chartreuse, although that last one could just be because it’s a fucking ridiculous word. Charon, my therapist, said that it seems like I don’t like a lot of labial words, but I disagree with her. I like pop, blop, splatoosh, and such, but only in terms of onomatopoeia. It still counts as me just being contrarian too, I know, but this is a matter of morals. So, back on the word stimming, quick recap, I just hate the taste. It tastes bad and has the wrong shape in my mouth and I just really really hate it. So I call it spazzing.
Spazzing comes in all shapes and forms, which we can go further into at a later date, but just for today, I want to say this. I have a tendency to try and hide my spazzing when I’m around non-autistic people. I have gotten made fun of and bullied in the past for it. Lately, I’ve tried letting some of my not so noticeable spazzings loose when I feel stressed, but I still feel different and freakish when I do.
I don’t like it when other people notice me spazzing, but I love to do it. I can think clearer, I can move faster, and I don’t feel as stressed out by the world. I’ve pretty much just come to the conclusion that by not spazzing, I’m doing myself irreparable damage to my psyche. Something I should probably talk about in therapy.
Well, that’s the short intro on my spazzing, I guess. I’m tired as all heck and I sure as fudge can’t even swear correctly right now.
The Sarcastic Autist