Douzoyoroshiku, minna! I had been fighting a migraine since last night and I’m hoping it was just stress and weather causing it. I’ve been taking Excedrin and I think I have it well under control now. I’ve also started reading InkHeart again, and my various heathen gods it’s just as wonderful as I remember. Onto today’s ramblings.
I got into a fight with a friend of mine the other day. She was mad at me for calling her husband abusive a week prior. Now, do you know what the difference between social anxiety and autism is? In my experience, social anxiety is fearing you will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and upset people. Autism is not having a single fucking clue about social norms and such. They are not mutually exclusive and therefore can overlap.
Why am I telling you this? Because I didn’t know that calling someone’s husband abusive was wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing. All my friend did was bitch and complain about all these things he does and how she was going to divorce him this one time and how she’s stressed out and all this shit. She never said anything nice about this dude. So when she said that he was laughing at her while she was having a panic attack, I said that that was emotional abuse in my book. I was very frank that these things he does is fifty shades of not okay and she needs to get the fuck out of there. She told me to drop it and talk about something else. I said whatever it’s her life and moved on.
A week later, she starts acting all pissy at me. She even says “I was raised not to say anything if I don’t have anything nice to say”. That’s something a parent tells a child so they aren’t assholes to other children. It’s not an adult way to deal with a situation. When I pressed as to why she was mad at me she said it was because I said mean things about her husband. Who she is always bitching about.
I was baffled. I honestly had no idea what the fuck I did except obviously I said something inappropriate and so I apologized for saying something inappropriate. She said she was going to be AWOL for a few days to chill. Okay, I can understand that. But until I talked to our mutual friend did it turn out that her husband wasn’t as bad as she makes him out to be. Or something like that.
It’s like if someone was talking to you and describing what you think is a donkey. All these features are things only donkeys have. So you state that it’s a donkey. The person gets mad at you a week later and yells at you for saying it’s a donkey. They don’t clarify that it’s not a donkey or anything. Just gets pissy that you called it a donkey. Someone else comes along and has to explain that it’s really a horse.
That’s how I feel right now. Like she’s mad at me for calling her husband abusive when that’s all I know of the dude when he’s supposedly this really sweet guy. This makes me want to not be her friend because I feel like this is really immature of her. I’m not saying I was in the right, because apparently I wasn’t. I already apologized.
With her stance on guns and political beliefs and really her close-mindedness, I don’t feel like I can be her friend. People who are raised a certain way, I can understand a bit of leeway with that sort of thing. But she just seems really self-centered and not that smart and I don’t think it’s healthy for me to have a friendship with someone like that. I can forgive not being as smart as me. I would never have friends if I based it off that. I can’t forgive using the way one was raised as an excuse to be a bitch.
I’m hurt. I’m really hurt about this. I was up front from day one that I’m not the most socially adept person and to stop me if I was starting on about something inappropriate. I honestly have a written list of things that are NOT OKAY to discuss. I feel like she’s acting like a child and the way she randomly blew up at me looks like a red flag. Exacerbating Ex did the same sort of shit and I’m not going to tolerate it from anyone ever again.
I crossed a line that I should not have crossed. I understand being upset about that. I understand bringing it up a day or two later and discussing why it was upsetting. I do not understand randomly giving the cold shoulder and being all pissy a week later and not even clarifying what exactly was upsetting. When someone like me is thinking that someone else is acting immature, it’s kind of worrying.
Honestly, if this wasn’t bugging me so much, I would have dropped it by now. I feel like neither party was in the right here and that communication was lacking. I don’t feel like giving her a second chance at being mean to me. I don’t feel like having to be super careful and considerate to someone else for fear of them being mad at me. This entire situation is just really stressful for me right now and I really really really want to tell her how I feel she’s acting.
I do feel bad I upset her. That wasn’t my intention. I thought I was giving her sound advice because her husband sounded a lot like my ex. I said so when I was talking to her. I just don’t know if this friendship is worth continuing. I had promised myself that if someone ever treated me like Exacerbating Ex did, no matter how much I loved them, I would break it off.
I don’t know if this is what Exacerbating Ex did or not and I need an outside point of view or something. I’m confused and want ice cream.
-The Sarcastic Autist