Don’t Tell Me How I Feel

I am sorry, my faithful followers.  There will be no Sarcastic Chaturday this week.  My asthma is acting up and it makes it very hard to talk.  However, I will make sure that next week’s episode is super duper awesome and will record some fill-in episodes for the future in case this ever happens again.  I am so very sorry.

However, that doesn’t mean I can’t give you the daily bit of insight/rant/random ramblings that is the content of my blog.  And today, I will be talking about something that seriously bothers me and causes me to lose a bit of respect for whoever does it.  And that is when someone responds to something I say I feel or think with “well, I think that you actually feel/think X because…”   This is more than 50 shades of not okay.

Example is that a week or two ago, I was talking to my Godmother about how changes to my routine upsets me and since that upset stems from a neurological mis-wiring,  I need to go through all these hoops and triangles to get used to a change.  She said, and this is a direct quote, “I think it’s not neurological and that routine is a comfort thing instead”. Then she went on about how I need to get used to uncomfortable things, just like Pastor has been talking about for Pentecost.  I felt completely ignored and disrespected and like  she wasn’t listening to me.  I’m sure that wasn’t her intent at all.  My feelings were hurt none-the-less and I feel like she completely missed the mark and was pushing her own agenda.

Even this last Monday, as I was talking to Charon about how I don’t always understand these relationship issues people have and how it’s confusing for me, she interjected that she thinks that it’s less about confusion and more about how I have ‘ideological world views’.  I’m not sure what she means about that and the longer I think upon it the more confused I get.  She’s not wrong.  I just feel a bit ignored about how I feel.

Now, I’m not trying to say that I don’t value other people’s opinions.  I love hearing outside viewpoints and discovering new paradigms.  I find it fascinating that we are all so unique and have such drastically different understandings of the world.  What I am trying to say is that I don’t like to be corrected on my emotions or how I do my mental gymnastics to make the world make sense to me.  It’s very invalidating for me.

My wiring is different.  That doesn’t mean I have an automatic excuse to not learn things.  It doesn’t mean I can’t learn things or that I can’t be held to the same standards as other people.  That would be bull shit and we all know it.  All it means is that I have a different way of going about things than other people would with ‘typical’ wiring.  I finally figured out how to tie my shoes this year by completely throwing away what everyone else was telling me to do and figuring out my own way to do it.  (I have to focus on a very tiny bit, otherwise the excess bits of string throw me off and kill my brain with their dangly bits.)

Of course, my weird wiring (I adore alliteration) is one of the reasons why it takes me a bit longer to figure things out.  I’m 25 and am just figuring out the various emotions and their impact.  I’m just realizing relationship dynamics and how adulting works and how to properly brush my teeth and comb my hair and tie my shoes and social etiquette.  There’s more, but I’m sure you get the point by now.

I do know that I have a very categorical way of viewing the world and that I hate being wrong.  I absolutely loathe being wrong.  Emotions can’t be wrong, though.  Yes, there are appropriate reactions and appropriate ways of expressing one’s emotions, but when you say things like “I think you feel X” it’s really quite rude and invalidating to whomever you are speaking to.  I’m probably guilty of this too.

Okay, this really was a rant.  I am just acknowledging my emotions and trying to talk about them and I feel like people are correcting my emotions. Not saying they are, I’m saying how I feel.

So, random rant with no real life lesson over?  I need to take some asthma medication.  I hope you lovely people forgive me for not having a podcast up today.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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2 thoughts on “Don’t Tell Me How I Feel

  1. I think you have just ranted what I and every Bipolar person I have personally ever known has ranted about for years. I find it appalling that people just do this to other people and I don’t understand why people do it. It IS horribly rude and I wish people wouldn’t do it – like ever.

    The other thing that people try to do is attempt to apply logic to emotions (you shouldn’t feel that way because….) which really drives me crazy. My emotions just are and often times completely separate from the logical situation. I can’t help that and I can’t change that. I can’t use logic and change them into something else. I can’t say this is how Bipolar is because I don’t know what it’s truly like for all people with Bipolar. All I can say is this is how I am. And sometimes my emotions just don’t make sense even to me. Like when I’m hit with a depressive episode, it could be what should be the happiest event of my life but my brain won’t let me feel that at that time. Logic can’t fix that as much as I would like it too and telling this me isn’t helpful. It only makes me feel like my brain is broken.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your feelings are your feelings and they don’t have to make sense. Nor should you have to try and justify your feelings to another person. Also, things like depression are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. That doesn’t make it any easier to get out of bed or wonder if it’s really okay not to shower for the 3rd day in a row. I also get what you are saying about emotions not adhering to the rules of logic. And logic doesn’t adhere to the rules of emotions. Which I think is a design flaw with us humans, but I am not a scientist.
      I want you to know that I validate and acknowledge that your emotions are your emotions. I can’t tell you how you feel. I can’t tell you why you feel a certain why. I’m not you and you are not me. We are two seperate beings with our own separate emotional identities and having an outside party try and tell you the if ands and buts about your emotional identity is incredibly invalidating.
      Anyway, you are your own emotional being. I feel you on the broken brain bit. I may not be Bipolar, but I can relate to what you are saying.
      With care,
      The Sarcastic Autist

      Liked by 1 person

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