It’s been a long time, my friends! I want to apologize for making such a short post yesterday that was all about me. One of my daily goals is to write a blog post, so naturally, even if it was only a short and weird one, I had to do it. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
As of right now, we still don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am feeling a lot better. The confusion and nausea are mostly gone. I don’t think what I’m experiencing is any worse than normal. The pain is mostly gone too. At least, it’s all more tolerable since I ended up getting something like 10 hours of sleep last night. Holy buckets, I needed that. I’m also going to be taking a sleeping pill tonight and seeing if that helps me out at all. I probably need to stop playing Pokemon Go for a bit; unless I can get it into my schedule without disturbing my sleep.
So, this morning I had the lady doctor look at my lady bits. For future reference, we’ll call her Nurse Joy. She is a nurse practitioner and this was also the first time I saw her. Because all gynecologists have some weird fascination with vaginas (totally wasn’t because I was 6 months overdue for my PAP), she gave me a pelvic and a PAP smear. Nurse Joy also did a test thingy for STD stuff and infections. I don’t have any infections, but the STD thing is up in the air. I don’t see how that would relate to my female problems, but whatever.
Nurse Joy had them check my thyroid as well. Okaasan has thyroid issues which started around my age so I have to get tested every year from now going forward. Personally, I think they just like stabbing me and stealing my blood, the fucking vampires. Also, I may have a thyroid issue. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. It would explain how it has been so fucking hard for me to lose weight.
Okaasan drove me to the Social Security Building so I could apply for a new card. Fun fact: you can’t get a new card without an ID. You also can’t get an ID without a card. It’s a circular hole of failure. However, there’s a nifty form you can get your doctor’s office to fill out to certify you are who you say you are so you can get that sent in to the Social Security People.
I also learned something new about myself today. I hate when people shove things in my face. It bothers me. You see, dear reader, while I was at the Social Security place, one of the Social Security people came around to see if anyone needed to leave because they didn’t have their proper forms or if they were in the wrong place. I think that was pretty nice of them.
Alas, I had to take out my Sanity Saving Earbuds so I could answer the lady’s questions. Which meant I suddenly could hear everything in the big room full of people, a lot of whom could not speak English well. Additionally, I was sitting under the tellie because I, stupidly, thought that would be a great spot to sit. Everything was loud, there was movement everywhere, on top of which, this lady was putting a form in my face and using phrases that confuse me. I was spazzing a lot and ended up stuttering. I’m embarrassed to say that I cried a bit, too.
In my defense, it was a very overwhelming situation for me. I got a form for the doctor’s office to fill out and then I can just send out that form with this other form in the mail and the lady said I’d never need to go back. I’m so grateful for that lady doing that. It’s times like these that make me really hate being Autistic.
How am I supposed to get a job if I can’t deal with being in a noisy room? The fuck was up with my stuttering? I felt very ashamed and helpless and stupid. I feel like, even though I’ve been making such huge progress and managing to be so awesome at all these other things, me reacting in such a way makes it seem like it’s all been so fucking pointless.
I mean, honestly. I was having such huge negative self-talk despite trying to add in another rule to live by. “Never treat your own life as insignificant”. It’s a line from Fairy Tail and I really love it. I do not love, however, that I reacted so badly. I made absolutely no eye contact with the woman and I started to fucking cry. My various heathen gods, the amount of not okay this was for me is more than 50 shades of not okay.
I wouldn’t even really call it anxiousness. It was extreme un-comfortableness that turned into shame. But enough with beating myself up over it. Moving along.
There was also this huge book sale in the cities. This meant that I managed to get Okaasan to stop by so we could get books. We got loads of books and I’m so happy about that. I’ve got a lot of Vampire Diary books and some classics like Moby Dick, A Tale of Two Cities, and Crispin by Avi. I also grabbed a Captain Underpants book and books 1 and 3 of the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. It totally made up for Nurse Joy violating me and then me crying at the Social Security Place.
I’m going to go watch some Ash vs The Evil Dead and go to bed. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled blog post tomorrow. Thank you for listening to me bitch.
Namaste and o-mataseshimashita
-The Sarcastic Autist