A short rant on my own Progress

Hello again, friends!  I hope you are all well and staying hydrated.  There’s a heat wave with high humidity and such where I live.  I was outside for maybe a total of 10 minutes today, including just going to a nice air conditioned vehicle or another indoor building.  My asthma is being all sorts of fucky and I keep feeling a slight tightness of my throat.  On the bright side, I am much tanner than I was and all that extra vitamin d is doing my mental health wonders.  Or whatever.  I enjoy having my skin be darker.

Do you want to know what we talked about in group today?  We talked about Emotions.  Again.  Which makes sense because we’re in the Emotion Regulation Module.  More specifically, we talked about the characteristics of Emotions and we went over this semi-complicated Model for Describing Emotion.  I want to make about fifty copies of this ‘Model’ and use them as a worksheet.  I almost feel like it was needlessly complicated, but I also think emotions are needlessly complicated to begin with.

Fun Fact: we can use the Model for Describing Emotions in adjunction with the Behavior Chain Model.   Another additional Fun Fact: last night, as Kuma-chan was assisting me with my homework which I had put off until the last second, I realized that I can do these worksheets and do all this Emotion Regulation shit.  It’s not as complicated as I keep thinking it is.  I just need to break it down.  And by break it down, I mean cover up the paper so I only see what I’m currently working on.

I’m 25 and only now realizing that a majority of my problems is caused by not looking at the individual steps.  I always thought I was a small detail person rather than a big picture person.  Last night, I discovered otherwise.  I feel like it’s exactly like when I realized my eyes were a weird shade of blue and not hazel.  All my life, I was told I was one way and I always listened to what other people would say I was like.  I’m not going to name names (cough, Okaasan and weirdly religious Godmother cough).  I really need to stop allowing others to dictate who I am or what I feel.  Honestly, this is getting ridiculous.

On the other hand, these last few months have seen me making enormous strides in realizing my own potential and working around problems I didn’t even realize I had.  I’m very proud of myself for that.  I feel like I’m finally taking control over my own life and it’s all because I take the time to sit down and type out my observations for each day.  I’m sticking to a schedule.  I’m doing what works for me and at least trying to take an active role in my life.

I also suddenly feel very nauseated and think I should probably go lay down.  I’ll be sure to tell you more about what we learned today on the morrow.

Happy trails and may we meet again.

-The Sarcastic Autist

 

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