Hello, my friends! I think a huge issue is my asthma is fucking with my sleep, my lack of sleep is fucking with my ability to not be sick, and my ability to not be sick not being an active ability right now is fucking with my asthma. Had the asthma doctor today. I should know by next Tuesday if this new medication will work. Also, I feel sick. To my stomach. Which I use to basically process anything that enters my system orally.
Anyway. I’m trying to do my DBT homework and I’m having a hard time with it. Why am I having a hard time with it? Because fucking Emotion Regulation. Gods fucking damn it. This is the most frustrating thing for me. I don’t know if I just have a hard time naming emotions or if I fail to process my emotions as they are happening or if I’m just fucking emotionally retarded but bloody fucking hell. I’ve been staring at this sheet for days. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Maybe it’s just staring at the entire thing is overwhelming for me. I’ve recently discovered that I can process the information better and get this shit done if I cover all but the section I’m working on. Otherwise it becomes this swirling vortex of doom, like when I’m reading.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to throw this brick of a book across the room and set shit on fire. I want to hide under my covers and pretend it doesn’t exist. I want to eat a pound of chocolate and a kilo of grapes. (don’t judge)
I don’t know. I just really needed to rant about how hard this is for me. Maybe it’s an Autism thing. Most likely I’m just over-complicating something again.
But seriously though. Fuck this shit.
-The Sarcastic Autist