Hey, all! Today has been decent. I was called a good person and I haven’t purged in ages. Nothing else is really new. Oh, Neko-chan has been extremely vocal about the changes I did to my bedroom. I don’t think she likes it.
I did finally finish that paperwork for Social Security so I can just mail it tomorrow so I can get my new card. I really really fucking hate filling out forms. I used to say that I couldn’t do it just so that I could get someone else to do it for me. Really, it’s just frustrating for me. It’s like a swirling vortex of doom.
Yes, I recently figured out that if I covered all but the one part I’m working on I don’t get as overwhelmed. But just looking at the papers fills me with this rage that I can’t say is justified or even appropriate. It’s actually sort of scary. I feel the same way when I look at worksheets or anything of the sort. It’s weird.
Charon and I were talking about the issues I have been having with Okaasan and how I need to move out and I was telling her how I can’t really take care of myself that well and she asked me what made me say that. It made me stop and think. Well, Okaasan and everyone else in the family has said that at one point or another.
It also made me think of that one scene in Finding Nemo, where Marlin (Nemo’s dad) was telling Nemo “you think you can do all these things but you just can’t Nemo”. (Sorry for the poor grammar today, I’m a bit out of it). For me, I’ve been wondering all day about who said I ‘just can’t’. Nemo basically said “Fuck you, Da, I do what I want” and then he did all these amazing things that you wouldn’t think he’d be able to do. I want to be like Nemo. Give everyone a giant middle finger and do the things I never thought I could do.
Yeah, it’s still going to be hard as hell. I know for a fact that I’m going to need help doing it and I should probably stop being such a stubborn little priss about it. It’s just that, instead of going “I just can’t”, I want to say “Fuck it, I’ll give it a go”.
I know this is a bit short. I apologize. I’m a bit hungry and also I am tired from the little sleep I’ve gotten.
Until Next Time
-The Sarcastic Autist