Happy Sunday to all of you brilliant people! I had spent over 5 hours cleaning yesterday, including moving big heavy objects and also I did 7 loads of laundry and skipped out on my godbrother’s grad party because I decided I didn’t want to go. I’m kind of glad I skipped because apparently there was a lot of people there and I’m not a big fan of overstimulating situations like that.
Something I’ve been complaining to ToadieOdie about recently is the housing situation I’m in. I’m technically homeless, even if I do live with Okaasan. I’m not on the lease and I kind of stay here illegally. It’s stressful because I’ve been like this for the last 2 years and nothing has changed except last year I stopped couch hopping because of the shit with Exacerbating Ex.
This is one of those things that I have a really hard time with. I don’t like paperwork that is forms. I tend to see things as a whole so when I’m trying to focus on the individual aspects of it, I get overwhelmed and frustrated. It’s something I’ve only recently discovered about myself. It’s also one of those things that make me hate myself.
I used to think that if someone was saying something confusing to me, I just wasn’t trying hard enough to understand them. I’m a huge fan of semantics; you know, the meaning behind the words. If someone says something, I take it literally about 98% of the time. I have an inner dictionary of phrases and slang that I’ve studied over the years that helps me not be so literally, but I will still use phrases and wording that can come across as being bitchy or stupid.
For example, the other day I was talking to Kuma-Chan about something (I don’t remember what) and she said something that I thought was just brilliant. So I told her “That is the smartest thing you said all day!” I meant it as a compliment. As in, that was the most brilliant thing that had come out her mouth amidst all those other brilliant things. I spent years thinking that is what that phrase meant.
It was only after it left my mouth that I realised that it sounded like I was almost insulting her. The biggest clue to that conclusion was her sudden silence. Now, Kuma-Chan is super smart on a lot of this emotion regulation shit and helping me with homework for DBT. I would say that she is probably one of the smartest EQ people I have ever met. IQ wise, I think she’s smart, just not as smart as me. Let’s face it, I’m pretty smart when it comes to books.
Anyway, I apologized profusely and let her know what I had actually meant by that comment. It wasn’t meant maliciously are anything like that. It was simply meant as a compliment that she said something super smart.
Another example is, again with Kuma-Chan because I have no friends and no life, today Kuma-Chan and I were talking about my new air purifier and she asked me how it works. Obviously, I thought that was a weird question. I mean, it’s not a super complicated piece of machinery. You literally plug it in and turn it on and wash it once a week. It’s a slightly more complicated fan basically.
That is not what she meant. She meant it in the way of asking if it was working well or not for my asthma and allergies. I clearly took it way too literally. I understand that I am a bit of a dunce when it comes to that sort of thing. It’s more than just a wee bit embarrassing for me when I misinterpret something like that.
Anyway, the point is, I take things at face value. If something isn’t clearly stated, if the thing being talked about is using words or phrases that can be taken more literally, trust me, I will take it so literally you can practically hold it in physical form.
Also, I’m really tired and think that I should go to bed because I think I am ranting and getting extremely confused and off topic.
When I have more rest, I will hopefully add a second part to this.
-The Sarcastic Autist