Good evening, my friends! I hope you are all doing well today! I am doing pretty well. I’m battling not being all that hungry right now. It’s okay, because for lunch I had a small Arby’s curly fry. That is around 400 calories give or take. Plus I had a tortilla shell and a piece of bread and some random grapes, not to mention my morning breakfast coffee protein shake. I probably hit around 800 calories. So, I think I’m doing well on that front.
We had a guest pastor at church again today. I really don’t like this fellow. He’s a douchenugget and he pretends to know all these things and he just seems like a pretentious twat with no real idea of how the world works. He mispronounces words all the time and has archaic and, quite frankly, dangerous and narrow-minded views. I feel as though this man should not be a pastor because he is just sowing seeds of idiocy.
Honestly, I really hate him. It could be because every time I see him, I haven’t had warning that my routine was changing and I’m blaming him for it. It could be because he doesn’t know who Doctor Who is or how to pronounce Gallifrey. It’s probably because his talks are shallow and I can pull better and more inspiring shit out of my ass.
I don’t often not like someone. I like to think of myself as a very inclusive and open-minded individual. I like making people happy and I like talking to random people and I like listening to other ideas and beliefs. This man is a fucking twat. His voice is literally painful. I don’t like the way he looks. I don’t like the way he speaks or the way he holds himself. The only person I hate more is Adele.
I tried expressing my disdain of him to my godmother. She only started talking about dividing the church up and “The Evil One” and I feel like she complete was dismissing what I was telling her. Of course, she tends to like any person who calls themselves a Christian or a Pastor or whatever. No offense to her, but she’s also a bit of an idiot. The big difference is that she’s like family. And that she knows she’s an idiot.
It just pisses me off beyond belief that she knew that this guy was going to be there and I have told her both times I had to sit through the shit that he calls a sermon before that I hate him. She knows that I need advance notice. I’ll be honest, I almost completely did that non-verbal shut down that I do when I’m completely pissed off. I refused to do communion, even. I find him filthy. And I find my godmother’s lack of at least acknowledging that what I’m feeling is valid depressing and it makes me want to not attend church until my pastor is back.
I also don’t like that my godmother is so insistent that I call myself a Christian. Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he was a great man. I believe he existed. I’m loath to believe that he was the son of a god. Of course, I still like his teachings which were basically not to be a dick to people.
I don’t like that she’s pushing EMDR stuff on me. I told her I tried it before and it wasn’t for me. I don’t like sitting still and having to stare at something stupid like that. I don’t like that she thinks she knows what’s best for me and still treats me like a child. I’m not a child. I’m an adult, even if I don’t act like one.
I’m feeling very uncharacteristically angry today. Normally, I’ll be upset for a bit and move on. I don’t like to dwell on anger because I used to be a very violent child and was taught that anger was wrong. I don’t think being angry is very justifiable right now, either. A bit frustrating and irritating, yes. The level of hatred and disdain and loathing I’m having right now is almost scary. It’d probably be scary if I wasn’t so fucking pissed off.
I’m also rather pissed that I’m bleeding from my vagina again. I’m not supposed to get Shark Week because I’ve got Endometriosis and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to talk to my doctor about it, but I just saw her on Tuesday and I don’t want to seem like I’m attention seeking or anything because I’ve been trying to be very open about my drug abuse and my mental illness stuff and the Autism bit.
Plus, I already saw someone else about the random pain and bleeding I’ve been getting. The gyno was also a bit of a twat waffle. I’m starting to think that maybe I need to put in a request to see a specialist again. Which is depressing because I had no pain or anything until I dropped into the “overweight” BMI category.
I’m probably going to throw my stuffies at the spare mattress that leans against the wall at the foot of my bed to try and calm down my anger a bit. I know, I know. They say it’s not healthy to throw things if you are all pissed off. I just like the noise it makes. It’s calming.
Another thing, since I’m just ranting about shit that I’m all pissed off about. What the fuck is with people calling me wise all the time? I’m not wise! I’m not a fucking owl! I don’t know shit. If having a bit of common sense and human decency is wisdom now-a-days, the whole world has gone mad. Just stark raving mad. I’m not wise. I’m smart, yes. I’m incredibly smart. Probably not as smart as my therapist nor as smart as ToadieOdie, but I imagine myself to be quite the intellectual. I’m just not wise.
On the brightside, I totally correctly interpreted a social cue today! There was this lady who wanted to talk to my godmother and she was using veiled and cryptic language and I recognized that I excused myself from the conversation. Go me! Yay!
Okay, well, I’m off to take my meds and probably throw more things at that mattress. Good day to the lot of you.
-The Sarcast Autist
PS, I mother fucking love Doctor Who and that idiot guest pastor just totally butchered everything about him. Fuck that. Research before you make an ass out of yourself, you dumb flapjacking twat waffle.