Konnichiwa, mina! I have had a very full day of puzzles. Fun fact: did you know that turtles breathe through this thing called the coachella? I believe it’s also their butt. It’s amazing, isn’t it? Also, I have no idea how much I’ve eaten today since my breakfast protein coffee shake was contaminated by bad soy milk. I’ll try again on the morrow with fresh soy.
Mondays are the days I see Charon, my therapist. I told her about my Drop Bear analogy and she wants me to share it in group on Wednesday. At first, it does sound like Drop Bears could actually exist, because fucking Australia. It took me ages and a google search to figure out they were a fairy tale told to tourists for shits and giggles. Just to be on the safe side, I do suggest putting a bit of Nutella behind your ears if you ever visit Australia. Worst case scenario, you now have an emergency supply of what I’m assuming is a delicious hazel spread. I wouldn’t know because it has the word nut in it and I’m extremely paranoid because of my allergies.
Tomorrow, quite possibly, by the way before I forget again, I’m planning on working on my site to update the Wellness Resources page and also add some nice reading material that Charon has suggested. I know that I often will be told something over and over and I won’t fully grasp the concept unless it’s written down. Honestly, it’s a bit weird and it’s something I’d like to work on in my free time. I may just end up incorporating it into my Japanese Studies because my listening skills in English are extremely poor and thus my Japanese listening skills are worse off.
Anyway, back to today. I haven’t done my studying yet. I just had supper and I haven’t taken my daily shower because I may end up going on a jog a bit later. I miss ‘pounding the pavement’ as they say. The things Charon and I talked about today have been bothering me. First off, we kind of laughed at how I take things literally and struggle with analogies if other people make them, even if I know they aren’t literal. I get this sort of mental block in my head and just can’t figure out how the analogy is relevant. It’s funny and frustrating. I wonder if other Autists have that as well.
Mostly, we talked about how I tend to be a bit judgemental. By ‘a bit judgemental’, I really mean ‘really judgemental’. I know, I know. It doesn’t really seem that way, does it? I’m super outgoing and awesome and totally want to include everyone in everything so no one ever feels left out or alone like I do inside. Even though I’m really loud and rambunctious in group, I often feel anxious and like I don’t quite fit in. I judge myself very harshly.
If I don’t like someone or something, I put judgements on them too. Like that idiot pastor from yesterday. I could simply be nonjudgemental and just say I don’t like him and leave it at that. Instead, I resort to name calling and basically painting him to be such an awful person. In reality, he’s probably just an idiot and nothing more. (I know, still judgemental, but not as bad as calling him a douchenugget or a flapjacking twat waffle or a penis pancake or an idiot toaster strudel. Probably.)
However, I normally put judgements on people’s personalities. It’s normally something they say or do, rather than the way they dress or look or anything like that. Unless they are super fat or super skinny, in which case, yes, I’m going to judge that they are probably unhealthy. I judge myself for the way I look. I’m very self-judgemental. I will not deny that.
I do not put much thought into what someone’s physical appearance is. I wear what I want to wear because it’s comfy and I like it. I assume other people do the same. I don’t like wearing super tight tops or tank tops or revealing a lot of boobage because I don’t feel comfortable wearing things like that. I don’t like capris. I don’t like 3/4 sleeves. But if someone else wants to wear those things, so be it. I don’t really pay attention.
I can’t remember why we started talking about clothing and such. I know Charon said something about me being a girl in a small Midwestern town with a nearly shaved head (I have a very short buzzed hair style) and a neck tattoo. Apparently, that can be intimidating or make people have judgements about me. I can sort of understand what Charon is saying. I’ve heard people make statements about me being the weird goth/emo kid when I was younger.
Hell, when I was in high school, there was a huge thing about pep rallies being prep rallies and all this. Did I judge people for going? No. I didn’t really judge them for what clothing they wore either. It’s just clothing and it’s just hair. I digress. Charon asked me what other girls wore in town and I told her “clothes”.
She wanted me to give more specific examples. “Pants and shirts, I guess. I don’t really pay attention. If they aren’t naked, I don’t really care about their fashion sense.” I honestly don’t see what the big deal is. It’s hair and clothes. You have hair, unless you have some sort of condition or prefer a rather short style like me. You wear clothes unless you are changing or in the shower or doing intercourse stuff or you are a nudist. Unless you enjoy getting arrested for Indecent Exposure, I’m pretty sure you wear clothes in public.
Maybe Charon was trying to get me to realize that people judge others based on appearances or something. I don’t do that, unless they are really really fat, like super fat, or smelly or something like that. Even then, unless I don’t like the person, like that fucking dick cheese faced pastor, I’m not mean about it. In the case of people who are fat, it’s more of a feeling of being sorry for them rather than disgust or anything negative. I remember being super fat and not being able to do things. Fuck, obesity runs in my family (because no one runs in my family). Losing weight is hard. Sometimes there’s health reasons why someone has difficulty losing weight. Other times eating disorders. I don’t know. It’s none of my business.
My point being, I can’t fathom why people would judge others based on appearances. It’s like that saying “never judge a book by it’s cover”. If I were to judge every book by it’s cover, I wouldn’t have read half the books I have. Books are amazing and wonderful things. People can be the same way. Sometimes, I read a book and it is utter shit. Like Runes, or Twilight. Other times, I’m blown away by how amazing a book is, like Magyk or How to be a Wizard or Peeps or Ogre,Ogre or Blood and Chocolate.
So Charon wants me to search on social media or online magazines (I will probably use Pinterest because I am lazy and could probably find a few people easy), and she wants me to find 10 people that I would want to be friends with based solely on how they look. I’m not understanding why. And then she wants me to email them to her. I don’t have a printer and I have her email in my wallet because I hate talking on the phone so very very much.
Anyway, yeah. I’m so totally fucking confused. I wear jeans and sneakers and shirts and sweaters and stuff. I wear clothes. I have hair. I don’t see what the big bloody deal is.
Fucking kites on a hot tin roof.
-The Sarcastic Autist