Hello, my lovelies. I got my books today! I had ordered Aspergirls and Living Well on the Spectrum and they finally arrived! juanspinkelephant had recommended Living Well on the Spectrum and my therapist also thought it would be a nifty book for me. I’ve flipped through both of them a bit and am definitely looking forward to reading them. They seem so much fun. Also, as a side note on the pronoun ‘they’, did you know that can be used in the singular sense? I did not. I feel like I said that yesterday, but I like that. I will definitely be requesting that those be my new pronouns with people. (Except Kuma-chan can always call me Oniisan.)
I don’t think I really got too deep into what we covered in group yesterday, so today I want to really talk/write/blog/whatever about it because this homework assignment is so fascinating and interesting to me. What we’re supposed to do is make a list of values that are important to us and then pick just one to work on. We originally talked about what a Life More Worth Living looks like and what not. Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying: What is important is that you experience life as worth living. We talked a bit about what that meant for each of us, although participation in the discussion was voluntary.
I, naturally because I am a self-centered smart person, participated because I thought the other members of group would benefit from what I thought that quote meant. Now, I’m not saying that their thoughts weren’t beneficial, because they were, are, and going to be. I found what the other’s said to be very thought-provoking and what-not. They talked more about how DBT has been helpful and stuff in their lives, so more on an individual basis. I am not mocking them nor am I saying that their views are unimportant and of no consequence. It’s just that this is my blog that I want to use for my own personal views and thoughts and beliefs and I’m so self-centered and not that open with the real world that I use anonymity to hide.
Moving along, I simply said that I had originally thought a Life More Worth Living was more about the end game. If I followed all these steps and did everything this nifty little book said to do, at the end of this 1 year period of DBT my life would be just dandy as candy and my Life would be Worth Living. End story. Begin not being such a useless git.
It’s not. This whole DBT thing is more like having tools to help me on the Journey that is a Life More Worth Living. Because this is a Journey. See that capital? Yeah, this shit is serious and I haven’t been too serious in a long time. I feel like this is something I can be really passionate about. This blog is a huge part of my Journey of a Life More Worth Living. It helps me keep track of my daily moods and events and thoughts and emotions. It shows the gradual yet surprisingly quick change in me. It shows all the positives and all the negatives that I’ve experienced. It helps to remind me to be mindful and forgiving and that I can do anything.
I can move beyond the pain of the present, even if I live in the Now, because I can look back and see that it got better once before and it will get better once again. There are better times and there are worse times that are behind me, that I’ve already lived in the Now with. I can plan for a better future and prepare myself for the worst without having it overwhelm me, all while still living firmly in the Now. Because Now is where the things are taking place that will take me to the many destinations that are in my Future.
So, what do I want out of life in general, though? What is the ultimate thing that I want to aim for? What is the thing that keeps me going through my day-to-day activities, that gives me hope and drives away the darkness? What is the purpose I’ve given to myself? Who am I and who do I want to be?
I want to Live in the Now while being able to Plan and Prepare for the Future. I want always do my best to be Authentic, not only to myself, but to others. I want to always do my best to be Progressive, to improve myself and to grow as a person. I want to always do my best to be Compassionate, to display loving-kindness towards others even if I don’t like them, to display that same loving-kindness towards myself, even when I don’t particularly like me at the time. I want to be the Zen and to have my own Journey of a Life More Worth Living be filled with the good times with friends and family and lovers and pets. I want to be able to look back at my life and say I did my best to laugh and smile and be in that neat little state of Zen. I want my Journey of a Life More Worth Living to have the bad things not seem so bad. I want to be able to say that the bad things happened and I worked to overcome them and I overpowered the bad by approaching it with Authenticity and Progressiveness and Compassion.
Remember all those months ago, when I talked about The Bird in the Waterfall? (link for the uninitiated) I want to be the Bird in the Waterfall. That image of calm and peace and Zen in the eye of the storm. I want to live a balanced life full of adventure and fun and friends and even if the world seems like it’s nothing but shit and assholes, I want to take it all in stride. I want to experience life without getting overwhelmed by the experiencing part. I want to always learn new things and meet new people and try new things.
That’s what I want. I want all of that. I want this feeling of awesomeness to be shared with others and by others. I want to spread my Zenitude to others and I want others to spread their Zenitude to me. Does that all make sense? My various heathen gods, I hope it does, because I don’t know how to word it less wordy. It’s like an explosion of awesomeness when I get onto these kind of topics lately. Maybe this is my new interest of sorts.
What can I do to always do my best to be Authentic, Progressive and Compassionate? That is the core question to my Zenitude, to my Bird in the Waterfall feeling. Those are my values and my virtues and all that fun stuff. We each have to come up with our own and to go “yeah, this is me”.
So yeah, this is me.
-The Sarcastic Autist