Core Value Verification List

Hello, everyone!  Guess who woke me up this morning!  It was Drum Guy!  Last night, Drum Guy didn’t stop until around 9:00pm my time.  I couldn’t get my Unplugged Quiet Hour, I couldn’t think, all I could hear or feel was Drum Guy’s drums.  Fun fact: if I lived in a different area other than the Midwest, I would have sworn that we were getting tiny tremors of earthquakes all day yesterday.  This morning, when Drum Guy woke me up, I almost started to cry.  What the fuck Drum Guy?  Just… What the waffling fuck?  Okaasan is going to call the school and the city to complain tomorrow.  I’m not the only Autistic individual in this complex.  I think I’m just the oldest.  Since I was having such a shit time dealing with Drum Guy, I feel super bad for the parents of the other Autistic people.  Except Ginger Ale.  Ginger Ale doesn’t have the hypersensitivity trait.  Ginger Ale has hyposensitivity.  He’s a sweet little 6 year old that I tutor and help him understand emotions and how to convey to his mum using ASL if he’s being nonverbal.  I love helping the little ones.  They’re adorable.

Okay, killer paragraph aside, and thank the various heathen gods that I worship that Drum Guy had stopped his drumming about 6-7 hours ago, I actually had a pretty productive day.  You know that homework for DBT that I’ve been so excited to do?  I finally have a polished draft to show Charon tomorrow.  And now I’m going to go through and list them all, because I had so much fun doing this.

  • Authenticity: Be genuine, honest, true.
  • Be Truthful
    • State the facts.
      • You are in charge of your emotions
      • Emotions aren’t facts.
        • Emotions aren’t true.
        • Emotions aren’t false.
        • Emotions are emotions.
      • Don’t exaggerate the facts.
        • Emotions still aren’t facts.
        • Judgements are technically emotions.
          • Therefore, judgements aren’t facts.
      • Don’t use conditionals.
        • “Yes, but he/she/they/whatever did it.”
        • “I broke the vase, but it’s not like I did it on purpose.”
        • “I love you, but you are a bacon butt.”
          • Don’t use conditionals.
          • Seriously, just don’t.
    • Be Yourself.
      • Don’t ‘chameleonize’.
        • Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.
          • Especially if it’s just to impress other people.
        • Don’t let others dictate who you are.
        • Stand firm in personal values and beliefs.
          • Say no and stick to it.
          • Say yes and follow through.
          • Don’t fall into Peer Pressure.
            • Do your best to not be manipulated.
              • Check the facts.
              • Ask for an outside perspective.
        • Don’t appropriate others’ traits, beliefs, customs, values, etc.
          • Incorporation isn’t the same as Appropriation.
        • Don’t mimic others’ behaviors.
          • It’s okay to be a quirky spaz.
        • Accept you for you.
          • You have strengths.
          • You have weaknesses.
          • You have the potential for good.
          • You have the potential for bad.
          • You can always improve.
    • Your Authentic Self is Eternal-ToadieOdie

 

  • Progressiveness: moving or developing towards a more advanced state; growing; evolving.
    • Take every possible opportunity to learn something new, to add to previous knowledge and experience, and to grow as a  person.
      • Have Today’s best be better than Yesterday’s best.
        • Accept that you’re the best that you can be right now.
          • Accept that you can always improve on your best.
            • Actually work on improving your best.
      • Go outside your comfort zone.
        • Accept that the only constant is change.
          • You don’t have to understand or
          • You don’t have to like change.
          • Accept disruptions to routines.
          • Cope with disruptions to routines.
            • Don’t throw fits in retaliation to disruptions in routines.
    • Live in the Now.  Plan and Prepare for the Future. -I have no idea

 

  • Compassion: Sympathetic pity and concern for others, sympathy, loving-kindness
    • Listen when others are talking.
      • Actively listen.
        • Acknowledge what they said.
          • Reiterate what they said.
        • Ask for clarification.
      • Pay attention to body language.
        • Ask for clarification.
          • Seriously, ask for clarification.
            • Ignore the body language part unless you understand it.
            • Body language is hard.
      • Think before speaking.
        • Take a breath.
        • Ask yourself if it’s relevant to the conversation.
        • Don’t say mean things.
        • Don’t say demeaning things.
        • Don’t say hurtful things.
        • Don’t argue for the sake of arguing.
      • Give advice only when asked.
        • Ask if they want advice.
          • Don’t give unwanted advice.
            • Unless it’s absolutely necessary.
    • Be Empathetic/Sympathetic.
      • Be encouraging.
        • Tell other people how awesome they are.
          • Get into specifics.
        • Help them problem solve.
      • Give of yourself selflessly.
        • Avoid being selfish.
          • Share what you can.
          • Don’t give ultimatums.
          • Don’t give conditionals.

 

  • Things that fall under all 3 values.
    • Accept that no one is perfect.
      • Accept that everyone makes mistakes.
        • Even you.
          • Especially you.
        • Don’t dwell on mistakes.
          • Fix mistakes when possible.
          • Forgive mistakes.
          • Learn from mistakes.
        • Acknowledge the mistake.
          • Don’t fixate on the mistake.
          • Don’t beat yourself up over the mistake.
          • Accept that it happened.
          • Forgive the mistake, if possible.
            • Move on from the mistake regardless.
    • Be willing.
      • Be open to trying new things.
        • Don’t argue.
          • Don’t throw fits at change.
      • Don’t assume that you can’t do something.
        • Don’t give up if you fail the first time.
          • Keep trying until you get better at it.
            • Being frustrated is okay.
              • Giving up is not.
            • Ask for help.
      • Don’t argue for the sake of arguing.
        • Seriously, just don’t.
      • Don’t let preconceived notions dictate whether or not something is worthwhile.
        • Don’t be judgemental.
          • Don’t assume on anything.
          • You can dislike someone without being mean about it.
          • Everyone makes mistakes.
            • No one is the villain of their own story.
            • Make an extra effort to be effective in handling mistakes.
            • Don’t be harsh on yourself or others when mistakes are made.
          • Let go of past shame, guilt, and anger.
            • Share troubling thoughts.
            • Share troubling emotions.
              • Yes, this means talking about them.
          • Ask for clarifiers.
            • Sometimes you assume something is one way and it turns out to be a completely different way.
            • Don’t be afraid to look stupid.
              • Asking questions is better than staying silent.
          • People are allowed to have different opinions.
            • you don’t have to agree with those opinions.
      • Don’t think in pure Black and White or definitives.
        • Remember that there are countless shades of grey.
        • There are valid reasons behind everyone point of view.
        • Almost nothing is pure Black and White.
      • Always be on the lookout for Drop Bears.
        • Ask if it’s a fixable thing.
          • If yes, it’s a Drop Bear free zone.
            • Take a logical and effective approach to making a practical solution.
              • Take logical and effective steps to achieving a practical solution.
                • Repeat as necessary until the issue is resolved.
          • If no, accept it as a Drop Bear problem.
            • Make like Elsa and let it go.
    • Advocate for the betterment of self and others.
      • Speak up when boundaries are violated.
        • Make sure boundaries are clearly set.
        • Make sure boundaries are clearly stated.
        • Sometimes boundaries are inadvertently violated.
          • Forgive it as a mistake.
          • Clarify the boundary once again.
          • Don’t let people repeatedly violate a clearly set boundary.
      • Respect other religious restrictions, beliefs, and customs.
      • Respect other cultural restrictions, beliefs, and customs.
        • Respecting is not the same as letting others violate your boundaries.
  • Never treat your own life as insignificant. -Fairy Tail

 

Anyway, that’s what I have so far.  Thoughts, questions, concerns.  All are welcome.  I had a blast doing this and now I’m really super tired because it took me forever to type all this out.  It had taken me even longer to write it longhand on paper.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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