What do I want to do?

Good day, all the lot of you!  I woke up at the crack of dawn with Neko-chan acting like a little psycho kitty.  I love her to bits, but she can be so irritating sometimes.  A few thoughts and observations before I begin my rant today: first off, I want to again thank all of you for joining me on this wondrous and eternal journey that I’ve undertaken.  All your comments, concerns, thoughts, all of it.  My heart is just so happy when I see that someone has posted a comment.  Secondly, I’m thinking about sharing my blog with Charon.  Actually giving her this blog via email and saying this is me.  There are a lot of pros and cons to doing that and, while I’m not as hesitant to share this with her as I was, I’m still hesitant to forgo anonymity with my constant complaints about everything.  So I was also thinking about maybe creating a secondary blog where I can take all the awesome posts from here, edit them, and have my real name slapped on it.  There’s a lot of pros and cons to that too.

Since I feel like any decision I make will involve you, my dear readers, I wanted to involve you in the decision making process.  Ultimately, it’s whatever I decide to do, but it’s not fair to just go public (with Charon, anyways) and not at least give you a heads up.

Yesterday I posted about traits that I wanted to have.  I want to be an Authentic, Progressive, Compassionate person.  I don’t know what I want to do though.  Do I want to help people?  Do I want to teach?  Do I want to start a cult worshipping the almighty Alpaca?  What do I want to DO?

I know who I want to be, now.  I didn’t before.  I really just wanted not to be, if that makes sense.  Now I’m all grown up (somewhat, anyway), and I don’t know what I want to do with all this.  I mean, yes, I want to move to Japan and become a translator for science papers and stuff along those lines.  I want to do that.  But what besides that, do I want to do?

I like helping people.  I’ve been toying with the idea of working on a book.  If I did write a book, it would be based off what I learned in DBT and everything I’ve written about in this blog.  I could probably just start with going more professional with my blog.

I don’t really want to go professional with my blog because my blog was originally for me.  If it ended up helping other people, that was great.  Primarily, this blog is about me and for me.  It’s my uncensored thoughts and emotions put into a format where I can go back and read them, like a sort of diary where I don’t have to worry about Okaasan getting into it. ; If I were to go professional, I would have to learn to market and to talk about what my audience wanted to hear.  I don’t want to have to censor myself.  Plus, I don’t really think I’m good enough to go professional anyway.

I do want to have a community of people who think similarly to me, in beliefs and values.  Like I was telling Kuma-chan earlier, I sort of want to start a cult.  Now, not an actual cult.  That sounds like way to much effort, really.  But sort of like a cult.  I want to be able to reach people and share ideas and help everyone to see Drop Bears.  I could totally see myself starting a group or a movement called Drop Bear Hunters or something of the like.  It would be hilarious, and yes, as much effort would have to be put into that as starting a cult, but it would be so much fun.

In terms of goals, I want to go back to college and become a translator and move to Japan.  I’d like to have a relationship.  I want to start playing another instrument.  I’ve been thinking the violin because it’s small and cheap and wasn’t too hard for me to play.  I want to work in a place that isn’t overwhelming to me and that is fun and not stressful.

I want to read Aspergirls and work through Living Well on the Spectrum.  I want to read more books.  I really just want to read all the books.  I love reading.  I want friends that I can just sit on a couch and read with.  I want friends that will go hiking or camping with me.  I wouldn’t mind having a relationship where I can cuddle when I want to and have separate spaces when I don’t want to.

I’d like to learn to calm down and not be so impulsive.  I would like to do the loving-kindness to everyone I met and to do the loving-kindness to me.  I’d like to maybe be included in things.  I don’t even know if these count towards Charon’s question.  I also don’t see her next week because Monday is a holiday.  Oh, barnacles.

I’m also really tired.  I want to relax with my books and just have a chill night tonight.

Thank you all for your patronage.

-The Sarcastic Autist

 

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2 thoughts on “What do I want to do?

  1. Ultimately in the end whether you share your blog with anyone is up to you. The question is if you do, can you remain authentic with it once you know someone face to face is possibly reading it? This is a critical question considering the fact you originally launched this blog for the sole purpose of giving yourself space to explore yourself freely on your terms. If doing so means you are likely to start censoring yourself then it’s probably not a good idea. Alternatively you could always just print off the parts you wish to share and bring those in to your therapy sessions.

    As far as involving me in your decision, you don’t need to. This is your blog and whether or not your therapist sees it I will remain an invisible entity that will continue to do what I do. I do appreciate the gesture mind you, but it isn’t needed as far as I’m concerned. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am planning on trying to either purchase a printer, or ask Charon if it’s okay with her if I just email her bits and pieces of my blog and she has to promise not to try and find it. I think I trust her enough to do that. I do want to purchase a printer again, if only for school.
      I’ve been thinking more and more lately about writing a book. Obviously, it would be under a pen name because I have a lot of crazy people who would jump at the chance to trash it without reading it first. I think I would write a decent book. Not a great one, but a decent one.

      Liked by 1 person

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