Hey guys, sorry for not posting part two this morning. I woke up late and couldn’t figure out what to wear because it was this one chick’s last day in group and she never seen me in a skirt and I promised to wear one. I felt very pretty. Also weird.
I’m going to have to keep this short right now until I can clear my head. I get this driver on occasion who takes me to my appointments. I get medical rides and they send taxis to pick me up, right? This dude is old. And racist. And sexist. And I couldn’t call and demand a different driver because I was already running late. I also didn’t want to tell him that I wasn’t comfortable riding with him because, while I look white, I am Japanese. I am Japanese because my family had to move from California to Colorado during WWII to avoid getting sent to an internment camp. They had to leave behind all their belongings and much of which got ruined or stolen during the time they were in Colorado. Yes, I am actually a mix race. I understand that. If my family had to move to avoid getting sent to the American version of concentration camps, I have every right to identify with that part of my family.
Plus, when I get tan, I don’t look white at all. I don’t get tan often because the sun gives me hives. It’s not fun. It’s itchy. Anyway. The dude, or Racist Old Guy, or ROG, started in on how all muslims are going to be exterminated because the nice ones are too quiet and how the Quran teaches death and how the only god is the Christian god and all this stuff that made me feel gross. I felt so gross and contaminated by it. I was also, not so much scared, but getting to the point where I was doing my best not to make this weird eeeeee pitch noise thing. It sort of sounds like a broken electronic. I do it when I’m really stressed with noise around me and I haven’t the foggiest clue why. It’s weird.
Anyway. So, the ROG finally shuts up when I mention in passing that I’m Japanese and he starts talking about food. I’m super uncomfortable with him and I cannot ride with him again. My drives are around an hour long. I had to listen to this ROG for an hour. I can’t talk to Charon next week and I don’t want to call the DBT crisis lines and go “this dude said stuff that made me really uncomfortable and I don’t know how to proceed because I don’t want to get him in trouble.” So, I came online and to my blog to write it out because it really is bothering me and is putting a lot of stress on me. Stress I don’t think I should have to have because of some ROG.
I want to cry because his words felt very hateful and I got nauseas listening to him. I tried to reason with him, saying that only extremists are hateful and kill people blatantly and that Americans and stuff did a bunch of mean things in the past too, that doesn’t mean we are all like that. He wouldn’t listen to me and now I still feel gross and contaminated. Since I didn’t stand up to him and tell him it’s not okay to speak such hateful and ignorant things, I feel like I shouldn’t call the company and tell them about it because adults are supposed to deal with things like adults and not run to the nearest authority figure. I’m not good with confrontations and I really don’t want to get him in trouble.
When I tried talking to Okaasan about it, she made it about the time she told off a KKK member and that she stood on a soap box today and told off people because she thinks that one guy should have stood to show respect to the troops during the anthem or whatever. I argue that the troops fight for our right to choose whether or not we stand, that the freedom they fight and die for isn’t limited to what she thinks is respectful or not. It’s also about bodily autonomy, in my opinion, because we shouldn’t force people to do things they don’t want to do. Unless that person is threatening to harm themselves or others.
I’m sorry this got so long. I am really upset and I don’t know what to do.
-The Sarcastic Autist