What Makes Me an Owl?

Hello, my friends!  Oh my various heathen gods, today was such a day.  Neko-chan had a vet appointment for a shot.  She is apparently at that age where they like to steal blood in order to complete their rituals to the Great God Cthulhu.  In the real world, she just needs the same basic blood work they have to do on me, only specialized for felines.  She’s all healthy, although she has gained a little less than a pound.  Neko-chan is trained to remind me to take my meds, wake me up in case of nightmares, and she warns me of any seizures.  Neko-chan also knows when I’m upset and snuggles with me and does all sorts of nifty service/emotional support animal tricks.  She also knows when I’m talking about her because she’s snuggling up to me and purring, demanding pets and attention.

I want to talk to you all about being an Owl.  What does it mean to be an Owl?  Well, Owls are smart and wise, and apparently I’m wise, so I’m a ducking Owl.  I have no idea how I’m wise.  What seems like common sense to me is what others see as wisdom.  So there’s that, I guess.

What do I think makes me wise?   I try to think before I speak, sometimes.  I have a set list of phrases that I use in various scenarios.  It’s sort of like having rehearsed lines for a play.  I say these things because it’s what you are supposed to say.  I don’t always think before I speak.  Sometimes, nervousness and anxiousness overtake my mouth and I blurt out things that aren’t relevant or that I don’t actually mean.  I apologize when I mean it, otherwise I don’t.   I don’t like fake apologies, although I do live in a place where we say ‘sorry’ a lot, even if ‘sorry’ isn’t the right phrase.

I like everyone living in peace and harmony.  When I’m caught between two bickering parties, I try to be the voice of reason and help find some sort of middle ground or compromise.  This doesn’t always work, because sometimes people just like to be assholes.  Personally, I like arguing just for the sake of arguing.  It’s fun and it’s not done with malicious intent.  It’s not always appropriate so I have to try and read the situation, but I do understand that there is a huge difference between being a dick and arguing and being a pain in the butt and arguing.

I do a lot of Mindfulness.  This is the moment that exists for me.  I can only focus on one task at a time and outside stimuli distract me, so I have to be very careful that I only take in as much as I can handle.  It’s hard to do sometimes and I often struggle when I’m out and about.  I know what a lot of my triggers are and I try to do my best to keep myself at a ‘happy medium’ in order to prevent melt downs and shut downs in public.

For the record, my personal method of Mindfulness is breathing.  How am I Mindful?  Breathe in, breathe out.  Think before reacting.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Focus on the patterns.  Have I encountered this sort of thing before?  I go through my mental files to see if I have, and if I have, see what the most effective thing to do is.  Breathe in, breathe out.  Always, always, always be on the lookout for Drop Bears.

People are hardcore into the semantics.  What is the best combination of words that would appease?  How do I word this thing in order to get my thoughts across without sounding like a dick?  Am I meaning what I say or saying what I mean?  Is it both, neither, a really weird grey area that I don’t want to approach?  People would rather me say “I find X to be something that is not really me” rather than me say “I don’t like X because I think X is pretty stupid”.  To me, these mean the same thing, except the second is more to the point.

I admit when I’m wrong and when I make mistakes.  I do my best to be honest.  I don’t ask for help as much as I should, but I’m working on that.  I offer help whenever I can.  I offer help even when it means that I’ll have less because that’s just the sort of person I am.

I think what makes me wise, what really strikes home being an Owl, is that I’m always trying to learn.  I’m genuinely interested in new viewpoints and trying new things.  I am almost a literal sponge of knowledge.  I’m told I have a good memory a lot of times, now-a-days.  I can almost say verbatim a lot of things I’ve heard or read.  I don’t know why, I just can.

I like to fix things.  I’m really good at taking things apart and sometimes managing to put them back together.  I can take solutions from one situation and apply it to a similar solution, with practice, of course.  I tell others what things have worked for me so they can perhaps see if that can work for them.  I’ve seen people take what I’ve told them and manipulate it so it fits them.  It gives me a great sense of pride and accomplishment when I see things like that.

I also care about people.  Even though Exacerbating Ex was a total bitch and all, I still wish she would get better.  I would like my dad to be nicer and have a relationship with him.  With the exception of Adele, I can’t really think of anyone that I would say that I hate.  I don’t even know why I hate Adele.  I just do.  Okay, that one dick pastor, I really don’t like him.  I don’t think I hate him, I just really really don’t like him.  Like that one song.  (but fuck Adele)

So, why am I wise?  What makes me an Owl?  I’m still not 100% sure.  I just try to be the best I can and I try to help others be the best they can be too.  Maybe that’s it.

(Still, fuck Adele though.  I hate her in such a way that it’d be scary if I cared.  Which I don’t, because I hate Adele and want her dead, or to at least stop making music.  Her music is physically painful.  Like, it feels as though someone was literally dragging their nails across my skin and stabbing my ears.)

-The Sarcastic Autist


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