Random Ramblings: ‘still not dead’

Well, everyone, it’s official.  I am about 99.9% sure I’m going through one of my ‘slightly more depressed than usual’ phases.  I’m a bit more detached and apathetic.  I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual, despite my fear of sleep.  And, to top it off, Neko-chan has been behaving more like a butt-munch lately.  So, combined with my loss of interest in books, I’m pretty sure this is me being slightly more depressed than usual.

Now, I’ve been diagnosed with Dysthymia before and just got re-diagnosed with the DSM 5’s version of Dysthymia.  They call it “Persistent Depressive Disorder” now.  Anyway, it was once described to me that my mood was similar to that of a person with Bipolar, now called Manic Depressive Disorder, except I wouldn’t have the Mania part of it.  I would just have varying degrees of being depressed, slightly depressed, majorly depressed, not all that depressed.  So, like being Bipolar, only with varying states of being depressed.  (I want to note that I don’t have Manic Depressive Disorder, nor have I done a lot of research about it, so I am only saying what limited knowledge I have on it as it pertains to me.)

[Edit: Okay, so it’s called Bipolar in the new DSM.  It used to be called Manic-Depression.  Fun fact that I also was unaware of until ToadieOdie informed me is that Dysthymia (now called Persistent Depressive Disorder) used to be under the Bipolar category but was placed under the Depression bit instead this time around.  She’s a brilliant person and I highly recommend reading her blog if you follow mine.  Art of Chaos is her blog.  There’s a link.  Go check it out.)

This is sort of relevant because, once I can recognize that I’m feeling a bit depressed (if more so than usual), I can nip it in the bud if I can find the cause of it.  Sometimes I just feel a bit sad for seemingly no reason, and that’s totally fine.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I think I may be sad about Fred or something.

So, while today will be another quick “I’m not dead” post, I did want to let you know that I got the results of all the testing I did with Argon today.  I went over it with someone that wasn’t Argon.  I want to process it mentally before I blog about it.  Mostly because I don’t know how I feel about it yet and I want a chance to maybe talk to Charon about it too.  Although, I don’t see her until Monday.  So I’ll probably blog about it before that.  So far, the only person that I’ve talked to about it besides the lady that went over it with me is Kuma-chan.  I just straight up sent her a pic of the diagnoses.  Because she’s Kuma-chan and she’s my best friend.

It’s Autumn here.  It feels so nice and crisp outside.  Also, I’m tired and I’m going to go to bed in a bit.

Good night, my dear internet people.

-The Sarcastic Autist


16 thoughts on “Random Ramblings: ‘still not dead’

  1. It’s still called Bipolar Disorder in the DSM-5 far as I know. Manic-Depression was the original term for it and personally I believe that it’s a more accurate term. I still don’t fully understand why it was changed.

    As for Dysthymia, this one is interesting. It was originally considered to be a very mild form of Bipolar because of exactly what you describe in your post but they moved it into the depression only disorder category at some point. DSM-4 or DSM-5 not sure which version. It’s kind of annoying personally because some professionals that specialize in Bipolar wonder if the reason we don’t see mania with Dysthymia is because the baseline is so low to start with. In other words, the question is if you are persistently depressed to the point you feel this way even at your base line (when your mood cycle hits “normal”) wouldn’t it be possible that your manic cycle makes you appear “normal” to others and therefore be missed? I’m not saying that your diagnosis is wrong. I’m not saying that the DSM-5 is wrong. I’m just saying that at the moment is it being challenged for having been moved out of the Bipolar category and into the depression only category. I’m inclined to agree with this challenge based on how this disorder appears to impact people’s lives.

    You personally have described having unusual, unexplained euphoric moments/days here on this blog but no one seems to see that as mania, but quite honestly most professionals often miss hypomania as normal ALL the time. Most people describe hypomania as a good feeling and higher energy. Many people remain high functioning and productive while hypomanic. This often isn’t the case with full blown mania. But you also describe persistent lows. So yes, I agree with the professionals that are challenging the claim that Dysthymia belongs in the depression only category. I agree with them that Dysthymia appears to be more like Bipolar that favors depression.

    Quite frankly I think that sucks and it must be rough. 😦 It’s good though that you can feel it coming and that you have ways of addressing it or even nipping it in the bud. Nipping it in the bud isn’t a skill I’ve developed yet without meds. I don’t know if I ever will. I can feel them coming now at least and I can start self care. I am now on a med that prevents the episodes from going full blown, so all I get is the “aura” of the episodes and a slight shift now which is weird. That’s a whole new thing to cope with.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, see, I didn’t know that. I’ll clarify in today’s post that I was mistaken and add an edit to yesterday’s post so people know. (just added an edit to let people know)
      You bring up a really good point. I never thought of it as mania because I manage to function better when I’m feeling not depressed. The hyperactivity is constant, no matter what sort of mood I am in, but when I am ‘normal’, I am much more grounded and not dissociative to the point where I feel like I can do anything. So, I’ll agree with you that the DSM should be challenged on this issue. I’ll also be discussing it with Charon on Monday, along with the rest of the report that I got on Tuesday.
      And yes, it does suck. Although I imagine that having Bipolar sucks too. I honestly don’t know how to nip this in the bud except to force myself to do things I don’t want to do and get outside of my comfort zone. It’s kind of like shocking my system into getting me back into a solid reality. I don’t really know how to describe it.
      I know a joke about Bipolar. What do you call a moody bear? A Bi-Polar Bear. lol, I’m so sorry. It’s terrible, I know.

      Liked by 1 person

      • lol Actually many do call themselves bipolar bears, and I don’t think it’s really far off the mark when it comes to the Bipolar mamas out there. 😉 I know I am a Bipolar Mama Bear! lol

        As far as Dysthmia goes I just know for sure that the debate exists. I’m not sure if the shift has happened or if they want to make it happen or just what exactly. I got the impression that it has moved to the depression only category now, but I’m not 100% certain. 97-98% sure, but not 100% sure. Trying to find an online copy of the DSM-5 is a joke for some reason. I may just have to bite the bullet and buy a hard copy. It would be really nice to know for sure what these professionals are debating over.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have never read the books. I have watched the movies. I once took a “quiz” that places you in one of the houses, based upon your Facebook profile and posts, and it placed me in the House of Slytherin! I’m not sure how I feel about that. I suppose though not everyone can be Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. But snakes are creepy…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh I’m sure it does. I think it’s the only time I tried it because a cousin of mine who is a big fan did it and shared it on Facebook so of course I had to do it too out of fun. Just like when she did the “Which Harry Potter’s World Soul Mate is Yours?” and I got Voldemort of all people!!! @_@ Like really? lol If it was for real that’s the point where you just swear off soul mates forever and quit. Like that character shouldn’t even be in the list. At all. lol


      • Come to think of it there is a movie that has recently come out titled “Infinitely Polar Bear” starring Mark Ruffalo as the father struggling to be a good father while also receiving treatment for Bipolar. I really would like to see it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Unfortunately it is rated R, but I’m not sure exactly why given the nature of the film. I’m assuming for language. I haven’t seen it yet either. Nothing in the synopsis suggests there would be nudity or violence so the language must be pretty extreme in some scenes – which as someone with Bipolar I can tell you is unsurprising. Although it does mention he gets aggressive with neighbors so there might be some graphic violence there, which can happen with uncontrolled Bipolar as well.

        Liked by 1 person

      • If I can find a censored TV version, my mum would watch that. While I think R movies are fine if they are R for language or for gore, some are R for sex stuff and I don’t want to see that sort of thing on my own, let alone with Okaasan. Okaasan doesn’t like any of it. I respect that because I tend not to like chick flicks.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree. I think the letter rating system to be a bit inadequate. It makes me happy to see when they say “rated R for language” or whatever, but rated R by itself doesn’t tell me anything as an adult in terms of my own viewing preferences. It only tells me that I need to view it first to decide whether my children should be allowed watch it or not. And yea, my kids have seen rated R films but AFTER I have seen them and said “Okay.” I’m not going to go in blind with my kids to find porn on the screen. lol

        Liked by 1 person

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