Challenging Myths: Part One

Good evening, my friends!  I want to start off by sharing that I have hemorrhoids and so I hate everything.  I also gained weight, am on what passes as a period for me, am feeling super bloated,  and I have no idea how much food I’ve had to eat today because my life is a sad pathetic wasteland of disappointment and broken dreams.  On the bright side, I got soy milk and I got these new little vegan pita things that are 70 calories and can be frozen for an indeterminate amount of time, which is good, because I haven’t a clue on what their expiration date is.  I’ve been clenching my jaw a lot more lately too, so I’m switching from gum to sticking pens in my mouth.  I should talk to a dentist or something about it.

Let’s take a moment to go over my DBT homework from last week.  First off, we were supposed to take 2 myths from a list of 24 and make them into what makes sense.  I did all 24 for your benefit, but mostly mine, if we’re being honest.  I’ll list them here, first the myth, immediately followed by the challenge to it that I came up with.

  • I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
    •  It doesn’t matter if I deserve what I need or not.  My needs should get met regardless.  I can earn my wants and that makes them all the more rewarding.
  • If I make a request, this will show that I’m a very weak person.
    • It takes a strong man to admit when he needs help.
  • I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make a request.
    • I have to make a reasonable request before someone says yes.
  • If I ask for something or say no, I can’t stand it if someone gets upset with me.
    • I may not like it when people get upset with me but I have a right to reasonable boundaries and I cannot control other people’s reactions to those boundaries.
  • If they say no, it will kill me.
    • Well, that just seems melodramatic.  If they say no, it may hinder my plans, but I certainly won’t die.  Just as I have a right to my boundaries, they have a right to theirs.
  • Making requests is a really pushy (bad, self-centered, selfish, etc.) thing to do.
    • Making a request is not the same as making a demand.
  • Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.
    • I can say no or decline any request without having to give a reason.  It is my right to do so without being made to feel guilty or selfish.
  • I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others.
    • I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my own needs for others.  I should tend to myself first so I can better help others.
  • I must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.
    • There is nothing wrong with needing help.
  • Obviously, the problem is just in my head.  If I would just think differently, I wouldn’t have to bother everybody else.
    • Of course the problem is in my head.  That’s how I know it’s a problem.  By having my ‘different’ thinking, I can solve a lot of problems myself, but sometimes an outside perspective is what I need to prevent this problem from ever being a problem again.  After that, it’s all Drop Bears.
  • If I don’t have what I want or need, it doesn’t make any difference; I don’t care, really.
    • Since I don’t care, I might as well have what I want or need anyway, in case I care enough about it later.
  • Skillfulness is a sign of weakness.
    • Skillfulness is problem solving and problem solving is a fucking brilliant ability.  It shows one knows an effective way to solve problems and shows a willingness to learn and improve upon one’s life.
  • I shouldn’t have to ask (say no); they should know what I want (and do it).
    • I should bloody well hope that they don’t know.  Mind reading is a terrifying concept and my mind is a dirty place.  I’d rather have to repeat myself than subject myself to the terror that is being around mind readers.
  • They should have known that their behavior would hurt my feelings; I shouldn’t have to tell them.
    • Everyone makes mistakes and slips up sometimes.  It helps to remind others of things that bother me, since they may well have forgotten that it bothered me.  Likewise, I appreciate the patience others have with me when I accidentally hurt their feelings.
  • I shouldn’t have to negotiate or work at getting what I want.
    • Negotiating and working to get what I want is what makes the victory all that much sweeter.  It goes from “I was given this thing” to “I earned this thing” and earning something makes me feel awesome.
  • Other people should be willing to do more for my needs.
    • My needs are no more nor no less important than others’.  I should only take what I can give.  I shouldn’t expect other people to just bow to my whims anyway, that isn’t good for me.
  • Other people should like, approve of, and support me.
    • No one has to feel any sort of emotions towards or about me.  My friends and family are the only people who I would hope have love towards me.  I would hope that they accept me for me but want the best for me and the best of me and not accept any ineffective behaviour that they know I can do better at.  I would hope that they would also only support me if I’m not being a waffling potato, but still have my back even when I am.  I cannot force any person to adhere to my own rules, beliefs, or ideas, just like no one can force me to adhere to theirs.  Free will and all that.
  • They don’t deserve my being skillful or treating them well.
    • I don’t care if they deserve my compassion or understanding, I’m going to give it to them whether they like it or not.
  • Getting what I want when I want it is most important.
    • Okay, I can think of loads of things that are more important than me being a demanding little tart.  Like companionship and treating others with basic human decency.
  • I shouldn’t be fair, kind, courteous, or respectful if others are not so toward me.
    • I should always strive to be fair, kind, courteous, or respectful of others, regardless of how they act towards me.  Not as a reflection of their character, but as a symbol of my own.
  • Revenge will feel so good; it will be worth any negative consequences.
    • There is no victory in vengeance.  Only more sorrow and suffering.
  • Only wimps have values.
    • An honourable man holds values and keeps to them even when no one is watching.
  • Everybody lies.
    • We all know the Doctor lies.  Everyone lies at some point in their life.  That doesn’t make them liars nor does it make them any less trustworthy.  So yes, everybody lies.  Everyone also had baby teeth at one point.  So, there’s that.
  • Getting what I want or need is more important than how I get it; the ends really do justify the means.
    • The reward is in the adventure and the adventure is in the journey.  Reaching the destination is just a bonus.

Okay, wow, that was a lot longer than I expected and took a lot longer than I wanted it to.  I’m really tired and have to be up early in the morning, so I’ll let you lot stew over this and I’ll let you know which ones gave me the most trouble tomorrow night.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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