Check-in: Not Dead

Okay, I’m really struggling lately.  I don’t know what the fuck my problem is.  I’ve had more thoughts of hurting myself or suicide stuff lately than I have since last year.  Now, I do want to say that I’m not in danger of hurting myself or killing myself at all right now because I made a promise that I wouldn’t while doing DBT and I’m still doing DBT.

Actually, the more I think about the wording and the belief system behind DBT, the more I think I’m never going to be done with DBT and therefore can never ever do anything to hurt myself ever again.  I take my promises quite seriously.  That said, I have been having more urges to engage in Self-Injurious behaviour and Eating Disorder Behaviour and that bothers me because I don’t know why.

I don’t really want to do a whole post today because I don’t feel up to it, but I thought to check in.  I want to let you all know I’m not dead and no worries.  I ‘m just depressed.  I also don’t feel well.

At least my butt is minty.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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7 thoughts on “Check-in: Not Dead

  1. It may be the change in seasons? This time of year is rough on a lot of people while others get like super giddy and excited. Polar opposites really. It’s just that major shift in gears with Mother Nature, weather, time, etc. It’s big and either it revives your system or it strains you. Whether it is or isn’t, get the rest and self care you need. It’s important.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It used to be my favourite time of year because it’s when school started and I loved school. Maybe I just need to get back into that. I have so many things I did to do in order to accomplish that. I’ve also been having a lot more body dysmorphia/gender dysmorphia sort of stuff going on.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That makes sense. The change of the season used to signal a specific set of routines for you that are now gone. That void would be very disorienting and other things would fill it. Having children that go to school now fills that void for me so while it’s not the exact same thing, it at least provides a seasonal routine.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I never thought of it as being a sort of seasonal routine sort of thing. I know my mum always complains about how I was such a hard child to get back into the routine of school. I ended up in summer school to help me keep on track sometimes.
        I need to get my papers in order so I can get back into school.

        Liked by 1 person

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