The Fear List

Hey all.  I went to the doctor about my tailbone hurting and got a list of exercises to do and was told to not sit where there’s pressure on my back.  Also to bring it up to my physical therapist.  I am still not feeling 100%, although I am feeling tons better than yesterday.  I asked about the flu shot and they didn’t have the shot that I could take, because of my egg allergy. I’d rather not get sick from having the shot with the egg, so I have to try and call around.  If they don’t have any that I can have in the area, I’m going to go this year without one and hope I don’t get sick.  Which I will.  Because my life is a sad pathetic wasteland of disappoint and sadness.  And rainbows and unicorns.

So, since I’m not 100% and I’m starting to feel nauseous again, I’m going to write a list of things I’m afraid of.

  • Bees
  • zombies
  • zombie apocalypse
  • the dark
  • barking dogs
  • thunderstorms
  • thunder
  • small spaces
  • big spaces
  • being intimate with people (non-sexual)
  • being intimate with people (totally sexual)
  • being alone
  • my ex, Exacerbating Ex
  • ghosts
  • not being able to breathe
  • drowning
  • flying 6-legged insects
  • cockroaches
  • falling
  • dying
  • that I’ll go back to using drugs
  • that I’ll go back to being active in my eating disorder
  • surgery
  • failing
  • walking into a knife
  • being assaulted at night in any manner
  • being assaulted in the day in any manner
  • elevators
  • escalators
  • that I’ll never get a job
  • that I’ll never get my own place
  • that I’ll get really fat again
  • that I’ll get really skinny
  • Neko-chan dying
  • Okaasan dying
  • Kuma-chan dying
  • Charon dying
  • that the way my life is right now is the way it’s going to be forever
  • anaphylactics
  • toilet monsters
  • that I’ll revert back to my violent self
  • Bitch-face
  • never loving myself
  • never being able to communicate in an effective manner
  • getting hit by a car or any vehicle really
  • the slow decline of my mental facilities as I age and gradually progress into dementia
  • insects in my food
  • rodents in my food
  • people in my food
  • nuts in my food
  • animals in my food period

Well, that’s all I can think of now.  Tomorrow I’ll post a list of things that make me happy.  Probably.  I don’t feel well, give me a break on being spacey please.  Good night loves.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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