Cultivating Trust in Therapy

Ach, I’m sorry I didn’t post last night.  My sleep is especially shitty this time of year and I had gotten to the point where my ramen tasted bad due to lack of sleep.  So I crashed by 8 my time.  I didn’t even really study my Japanese past the bare minimum.

I’m sure you are all wondering how my appointment with Charon went yesterday.  Even if you aren’t wondering, I’m going to tell you anyway.

It went well, I think.  She was a bit later than usual for grabbing me from the waiting room, but that didn’t bother me any.  I gave her the letter.  I also talked with her about the room being too loud and too bright and told her my possible solutions for that.

We ended up getting into a discussion about how noise is a part of life and she wasn’t getting that I cope with it by wearing headphones or earplugs.  It took me a long time to get that into her head, but I think I managed it when she asked me how I dealt with working at Big Blue Box Store and I looked at her funny and said “drugs”.

She burst out laughing because she had forgotten that.  She laughed, I laughed, I think we both died a little inside.  Not really, but it was funny.  After that, we got side-tracked by me saying how easy it would be to just start doing drugs again, but I choose not to.

Then we talked about my shit sleep this time of year.  I’m not ready to talk about why on here yet.  I’m not sure I’m ready to talk to Charon about it either.  It’s not really something I talk about.  However, I’m trying to remember that, in order to truly work on moving forward, I have to Acknowledge that there is an issue, Accept that the issue is indeed an issue, and take Action towards resolving the issue.

I wish that it was straight A words.  I adore alliteration.

Anyway, I feel like yesterday’s session went well.  I actually looked at Charon for a bit too.  I never really noticed that she smiles.  I also gave her a hug because I was in one of my super rare hugging moods.  I felt awkward because I don’t hug people often and I’m not 100% sure how hugs are supposed to go.

I also feel like I trust her a bit more now.  Charon said that whether or not we continue working together is up to the both of us to figure out and that we can figure it out when we get closer to me graduating from DBT.

I need to finish getting ready for PT now.  I’ll be back on tonight.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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