Thought Drop Bears

Okay, my lovely peoples, get ready to get schooled about Drop Bears again.  Why Drop Bears?  Because I have a slight obsession over Drop Bears and I use Drop Bears to help me understand things.  Today’s sub-type of Drop Bear is the Thought Drop Bear.  The little Drop Bear that invades your thoughts and tells you mean things.

How does this work?  Why am I making this a thing?  Because I realized that I have really ineffective thoughts about myself that make me feel bad.  In DBT group on Wednesday we talked about practicing Mindfulness of Current Thoughts.  Now that I’m looking at the handouts, I have no fucking clue why I brought Drop Bears into it, but I did and now I’m rolling with it.

Drop Bears are assholes.  Inner Drop Bears (henceforth called Thought Drop Bears) are the assholes that we are to ourselves in our heads.  For example, earlier this month I was being really down on myself and basically calling myself a fat worthless loser who has no skills and is a burden on everyone else because I’m Autistic and Gay.  If I picture a Drop Bear calling me a fat worthless loser who has no skills and is a burden on everyone else because Autism and homosexuality, that makes sense.  I can totally see a Drop Bear being a dick like that.

So, since that is a statement a Drop Bear would make, that would make it a Thought Drop Bear.  A thought that feeds off insecurities and shame.  Thought Drop Bears see our inner pain and hurts and how we truly view the world.  They use this knowledge to tell us lies about ourselves, lies that seem true because of the way we compare ourselves to others.  Does that make sense?

Now, if I were to try to picture a Drop Bear telling me how awesome and amazing I am and that I am a total babe and one sexy muthafucka, unless it was being a sarcastic prick, I can’t see a Drop Bear saying that.  It doesn’t necessarily make it a true statement, but it does mean that it’s not a Thought Drop Bear.

Examples of other things a Thought Drop Bear might say:

  • That you’re useless.
  • You shouldn’t even try to do that thing you really want to do because you’ll suck at it.
  • Everyone is talking about you and it’s not nice things either.
  • You totally messed up on that presentation.
  • You look like a hot mess.
  • No one will ever love you because you aren’t enough.
  • You’re too fat.
  • You’re too skinny.
  • No one will ever believe you.
  • You don’t deserve good things.
  • Bad things happen to you because you’re bad.
  • You deserve to be treated like shit.
  • You just don’t matter at all.

 

I want to say this about Thought Drop Bears:  While other people can help us identify them, we all have to work on slaying our own Thought Drop Bears.  Kuma-chan can tell me that she loves me all she wants, but if I have a Thought Drop Bear telling me that I’m unlovable, it means nothing.  Her words are empty to me.  However, if someone like juanspinkelephant points out that I tell myself I’m unlovable because of Autism and they’re Autistic and I say that juanspinkelephant still deserves love, that must mean that I do too. It also means that there’s a Drop Bear hiding in my thoughts.

I mean, it’s sort of like hunting.  You have to figure out where the deer is before you can shoot it, right?  Figuring out the Thought Drop Bear is the first step.  The second step is identifying WHY the Thought Drop Bear exists.  What made me so upset that I developed such intense ‘negative’ emotions and thoughts about myself?  What caused you to be so adamant that you suck at art?  Or bowling?  Or swimming to Texas in a cantaloupe?  (If you are swimming to Texas in a cantaloupe, please seek help.  I don’t know how that would work and I saw that saying today and it confused me so fucking much.)

Charon can tell me that my logic is illogical, that it’s false logic or circular logic or whatever.  That sometimes helps me to identify the Thought Drop Bears in my life.  However, I still lack the tools to kill a lot of them, mostly because my Emotion Regulation sucks ass because Emotional Dyslexia (Alexithymia is hard to pronounce and I understand how to counteract Dyslexia better anyway).  Charon’s job (trust me, she’s been very clear on this) is to help me gain the tools that I need to slay those fucking Drop Bears, both inner and outer.

To go back to the hunting analogy, it would be like her pointing where the gun is and how to shoot it, but letting me figure out which gun I need.  Personally, fuck guns.  I never liked guns.  Too loud.  A bow is where it’s at.  So it’d be more like slowly letting me play with weapons.  I think this analogy went off track.  Okay, I’m going to start again.  Here’s a bow and here’s an arrow.  This is how you hold a stance.  This is how you aim.  This is how you draw.  This is how you release.   This is what a Drop Bear looks like.  Shoot it if you see it.  If you miss, it’s okay, try again.  And most importantly, no matter what, DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE.  (Seriously.  It’s been years since I’ve shot a bow and I still remember being told that breathing is the super number one important thing.  That and not shooting while there are people on the range.)

Okay, I got really distracted by this awesome internet thing and totally spaced on what I was talking about.  Then I was like “oh yeah, the Thought Drop Bears.”  I think I’m about done with it.

One more note to point out before I finish this.  Charon is my therapist.  She’s an awesome therapist and she works for me.  I recommend you getting your own therapist to help you slay Drop Bears if you need it.  Just because my therapist is a good therapist for me, that doesn’t mean my therapist will be good for you.  I mean, Charon has a coworker I’ll call Tyler here.  I had the opportunity to work with Tyler and I opted not to because Tyler is a male.  I have issues with that.  I’m told he’s a swell guy and a super great therapist and I’m not going to say he’s not because I don’t know.  I just know that I have a harder time opening up to men than I do women.  Probably because I have daddy issues, I don’t know.  I’m not a therapist.

I’m a random person on the internet who writes a blog.  A blog about Autism and Drop Bears and gayness and practicing a Life More Worth Living.

Mostly about Drop Bears today.

Good night, other random internet people.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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