Complaints about Okaasan

Debbie Reynolds just died.  She was Carrie Fisher’s mum.  She also played the Grandma in the Halloweentown Series.  I love that series.  There’s also a thing going around to save Betty White from the curse of 2016.

One of my friend’s mum has been having heart problems and lost her job due to it and he says that he is taking care of her and it’s really expensive with rent and gas and his mum’s heart medications and her old employer being a bitch about pay and something about insurance I think… I got very confused reading his Facebook post about it.  I’m thinking about sending him some money or gift cards anonymously.

I found a place that sells binders for a little over $30 dollars with free shipping if you buy two.  I may get me one for my birthday coming up.  I also need new pants because my size 12 jeans keep sliding off my butt.

I’ve been feeling really depressed and angry. Mostly angry at Okaasan.  She’s always lying about stuff or exaggerating things and that’s irritating to me.  It’s also irritating that she talks to people about me.

I think I’m mostly irritated with how she paints herself to be this sacrificing person and a great mum and she’s not.  She’s always been a terrible mum.  I think the best thing I can think of is her letting me live here for so long without being a bitch about rent.  (I don’t pay her rent and I’m not on the lease so I am technically a mooch.)

She spends a ton of money each month on junk food, mostly candy and then complains that she can’t pay her bills or buy stuff she needs.  She gets on me because I like to get myself diet soda at my appointments because it helps motivate me to go and I have had to buy a lot of clothes this last year because of my weight loss.

She also hates that I have so many allergies and my asthma.  We got into an argument today because I can’t have Glade air fresheners because they make my asthma and allergies worse.  Febreeze isn’t much better.  There are non-toxic (and cruelty free) air fresheners that I’m willing to buy because it’s my body being a twit but my mum says those are too expensive.  If I’m buying a $10 dollar can that has a 0% chance of me going to the hospital because of Anaphylaxis, that is way cheaper than a $3 can that has a 70-80% chance of me having a really bad reaction.

I also need to wash the clothes I wear to my aunt and uncle’s because I’m really allergic to their dog and their house in general.  I always end up with rashes after I go there.  If I wear the clothes without washing them, I can get really sick.  So I told her that I need to wash my clothes and she got mad because she needs clothes washed and she has two loads worth and we only have two loads worth of quarters.  I have to be careful about how I wash my clothes and everything and I have a very specific way of going about the laundry.  Her clothes are on the opposite spectrum of the wash.  So she got mad because I need clothes washed.

Okaasan said that this was HER home and so she got to choose what gets washed or bought for stuff.  I told her that it’s my home too, even if I’m not on the lease.  It may not be my house, but it is my home.  I told her that it really hurt that she said that because her brother kept saying that their house wasn’t our home when we were living there and it made me feel displaced and unwanted.  Okaasan replied that I was attacking her and I said that I was.

Because I was.  If I respond in a way that she doesn’t like, it’s attacking her.  If I don’t explain something, she’ll tell me that it’s not a big deal and that I’m being a whiner.  If I do explain things, she says I’m attacking her.  I do not like living here but I really don’t think that I could live by myself because of Executive Dysfunction stuff.

I think she hates that I have a really good memory.  I used to think I had a terrible one because she always did that gas lighting thing on me.  I know now that I have a really good one and can pick at the inconsistencies in her stories or the things that just plain don’t make sense.  I don’t get aggressive any more with her.  I stay really calm and logical like Spock.  The more I think about it, the more I believe she has some sort of untreated thing like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissism or something.

It really bothers me that, when we are out in the world, she shows me off as her special needs kid and pretend to be a great parent, when in reality, behind closed doors, she treats me just awfully and laughs at me and treats me like a scapegoat to getting out of things.  Basically, she lies a lot and she’s pretty delusional and mean.

Still, I am grateful because I don’t pay rent or utilities and my only obligation for bills is my own phone.  And she’s not as terrible as she used to be.  Although, she is still pretty bad.  I don’t have any other options right now.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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