Okie dokie, pokie bears! Quick fun story: Okaasan and I were talking in the car with the radio down to barely a murmur. I could hear it but she could barely hear the bass. I suddenly stopped talking and asked if it was Adele on the radio and she turned it up to see and it was. We laughed and I said that now I have proven I have super human hearing and she does not. Which explains why the tellie is always blaring to me when it’s barely a whisper to her. It was funny.
Anyway. I’m tired and I have a thing on my arm of a rash/hives thing? I waited a few days before putting any allergy ointment on it because I thought it might go away. Now it’s spread onto my stomach and legs and I’m almost out of ointment. So I’m tired and itchy.
Another cool thing I did was make a template for my diary card so Charon and I don’t have to struggle to translate my scribbles into English. Of course, sometimes it’s in another language, so there’s that. The template is on Word and is freaking awesome. I upload the template into a new document and I can use that to fill it out on my computer instead of doing it by hand. I did make some minor adjustments to the original layout because I didn’t fill out the back and I didn’t do part of the top but I still feel proud. Yay me!
I ended up talking to Okaasan a bit about the whole gay issue with her family. It went nowhere and she admitted to me that, while she wishes I wasn’t gay, she lives with the fact that I am and knows she can’t change my gayness. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to take that. Thanks, mum, for not calling me derogatory names, I guess?
I think I’ve processed this enough into words that I can bring it up next week in therapy so we can try and move pass it. One last thing on the gay thing though: I’m 99% sure that a lot of the shit that I’ve been through pertaining to sexual assault stuff is because I’m openly gay. And because Autism. But mostly the gay thing.
Okay, now I’e processed it enough.
Charon had also asked me why I like yoga so much. I like the physical exertion. It’s sort of like deep pressure therapy or a weighted blanket. I feel like I have too much energy and I need to get it out and yoga stuff is hard enough on my muscles that it helps me feel better. Or something. I don’t know a lot about it. Doing light stuff in the morning to wake me up and the heavy stuff at night is what really made me happy. It got all that junk out at the end of the day and made me feel better.
Also, I really give up on Emotion Regulation. It’s fucking confusing and I’m going back to pretending I’m a cyborg.
Beep boop. Good night.
-The Sarcastic Autist