There Was an Attempt

Hello again!  I hope this day finds you all well!  I’ve been having a bit of stomach issues today.  Threw up a little bit earlier, so I probably should be resting or eating food that isn’t candy and chips.  I don’t want anything but candy and chips.  That’s not true, we just don’t have anything that isn’t candy or chips that doesn’t require leaving the house.  And it’s been sub-zero and that means my asthma hates everything.

But today’s topic up for my mental processing and discussion is giving up vs good enough.  I’m a huge giver upper.  If that’s a phrase.  It’s a phrase now.  Anyway.  There’s a huge difference in mentality when I give up on something versus when I say that something is good enough.

For example, sometimes, when I’m writing my blog, I get really frustrated because the words aren’t coming out right.  I’ll feel like throwing my laptop across the room and saying fuck it, I’m not going to finish it.  Giving up is almost like shutting down and sometimes I do end up shutting down and I never finish the thing.

That’s been a pattern for me for years.  Something will get hard or frustrating for me and I’ll give up because I “can’t” do it.  Now-a-days I’ve been working on letting something sit for a bit and telling myself that it’s good enough for now and it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Another example of this is when I was a kid.  I used to have a huge issue with stuttering and making ‘r’ sounds and that made it rather difficult to understand what I was saying.  I’d often end up telling people to nevermind and forget it.  I did speech therapy for years and it wasn’t until middle school when the new speech therapist realized that I had a weirdly shaped tongue and had me do tongue exercises.  That helped my ‘r’ sounds and I stopped ‘giving up’ in speech therapy.

So I guess what I’m really getting at is that giving up is usually my go to.  When I give up, I stop trying and will throw away whatever it is that I’ve been attempting to do.  But when I say something is good enough, I don’t throw it away.  I may turn it in as is or I may take a short break, but I realize that maybe I’m going about things the wrong way.

It’s a lesson I have to learn over and over again.  I’m often taught ways to do things that would apply to neurotypical people and help them tremendously.  I understand that it’s my responsibility to make sure that I can comprehend stuff and to get clarification on things and it’s getting easier to do that.  I’m just now understanding, though, that it’s also my responsibility to make sure that the way I’m doing things is easiest for me.

The reason I think that my new motto of “there was an attempt” is perfect for me is because it helps remind me that trying something one way doesn’t mean that it’s the only way.  I want to feel accomplished and I don’t get that feeling if I only try in a way that doesn’t work or doesn’t get me the desired results.  Reminding myself that I want to honestly tell myself that “there was an attempt” at the end of the day helps push me to go a little harder, to test my limits and figure out what works.

I guess that this post is really about how giving up is always an option.  But being good enough is the better one.  How I shouldn’t push myself too hard but at the same time I need to recognize what I can and cannot do and I can do more than I think I can.  I just need to remember that I need to make my own attempts in my own time and in my own way rather than constantly compare and fail to do it the way everyone else thinks I should.

I know this post was a bit all over the place and I’m sorry for that.  Like I said, I’m feeling a bit sick.

There was an attempt, at least.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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