Doing Better

Wowzers, it says I have 75 followers!  Thank you all!  For those just tuning in, or tuning in just recently, I’ve been seriously depressed for a few weeks now.  Prior, I blogged every day.  It’s a way for me to process things.  I am now a 26 year old nonbinary female person who is Autistic (semi-high functioning) and has PTSD.  My therapist is called Charon on here, my best friend is called Kuma-chan, my other bestie is called Mama Bear, and I’ve recently gotten a new love interest that I’ve dubbed Flapjack.  She’s pretty awesome.  And  yes, I am gay.  So very gay.  I struggle with that at times.

I saw the gyno yesterday for the endometriosis.  I had been put on the pill a few months back to try and stop having periods because periods freak me the fuck out.  I had gained about 3 pounds and gotten really depressed on it.  I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding for about a month now.  However, I’m freaking out because of the (really small) weight gain and the depression is a bit concerning too.  I’m going to go off the pill for a bit because the doctor said it might reset my IUD to go back to no periods.  I don’t see why we can’t try a different IUD, but whatever.  After this, there’s not a whole lot of options.

On one hand, I really have a hard time with having periods.  It messes with my psychologically and physically.  I like not having them.  On the other hand, I don’t like being depressed.  It bothers me because I was not that depressed for a long time.  It hit me like quick sand.  You know?

I’m trying to get back into doing things that I enjoy.  I’m going to attribute part of the lifting of the depression mist to the My Little Pony game I downloaded onto the tablet I just got.  Today, I walked to the store despite it being a bit chilly and my ankle hurting a bit.  I’m trying to figure out exercise I can do that won’t aggravate my ankle and doesn’t involve swimming or travel.  Probably just calisthenics and core stuff.

On Monday, I see Charon and I think we’re finally going to start on the Reclaiming your Life from a Traumatic Experience Exposure Therapy workbook.  I’m both extremely anxious and well, mostly just anxious.  I don’t really know what to expect and I will not do recordings.  I don’t like audio recordings.  It’s hard for me to listen to them.  I know the first step is talking about it and I don’t want to.  I hate talking about it.

I have a really hard time talking about things I don’t like talking about.  It’s sometimes physically impossible.  I know that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true.  I shut down and withdraw.  I’m going to bring my new stuffed Panda with me in case I need support.  Maybe I should write it down first.  I do better writing things down.

I’m seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday.  I’m going to ask about the follow-up on case management stuff and what she thinks I should do.  I’m also going to mention the depression and eating disorder stuff.  Had I mentioned on here that I had purged earlier this year?  It’s sort of depressing.  I haven’t brought it up to Charon yet either.

I’m seeing the physical therapist early on Wednesday for, hopefully, the last time for my ankle.  It got better and then got worse.  I had stopped doing the exercises, but still.  It’s very painful to do some of the things so she said not to do them anymore.

I do want to say something good.  I’ve noticed that my skin has been tightening up a bit.  I can’t imagine I’ll be having too much loose skin from my drastic weight loss.  (I am 166 give or take, down over 100 lbs from starting.)

I like Flapjack.  She’s pretty awesome.  I haven’t told her about being a drug addict in recovery yet.  I don’t know when to bring that up.  I did ask her out on a Skype Date.  (She lives in the UK and I live in the US.)  She said yes.  That makes me happy.  She’s very pretty and very funny and is as anxious and adventurous as I am.  I think that’s  pretty cool.

Well, I think that’s enough of an update for today.  Oh, Lent is coming up.  I’m not Christian, but I’m planning on doing a fast/sacrificial offering of some sort this year.

I’m going to go find a movie to watch.  I hope I’m on again soon.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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11 thoughts on “Doing Better

  1. Sorry to hear you haven’t been so well recently! But on the plus side people are wanting to read your writing – that is not something everyone can say. I look forward to your next post! And get well soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is a lot of people that support you yay. Me hopes being off helps and finds a different way to handle that month thingy. You is be so brave to work on talk on hard things. Lots people with autism get that way where not can talk, many use typing then. There is a book called typed words loud voices and some of the people in it can talk sometimes but not always. What my little pony game? Me uses iPad. Gonoodle is also free app for iPad. Yay for maybe done with physical therapy. Glad ankle is getting more better. Super awesome is feel better to.

    Liked by 1 person

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