Wowzers, it says I have 75 followers! Thank you all! For those just tuning in, or tuning in just recently, I’ve been seriously depressed for a few weeks now. Prior, I blogged every day. It’s a way for me to process things. I am now a 26 year old nonbinary female person who is Autistic (semi-high functioning) and has PTSD. My therapist is called Charon on here, my best friend is called Kuma-chan, my other bestie is called Mama Bear, and I’ve recently gotten a new love interest that I’ve dubbed Flapjack. She’s pretty awesome. And yes, I am gay. So very gay. I struggle with that at times.
I saw the gyno yesterday for the endometriosis. I had been put on the pill a few months back to try and stop having periods because periods freak me the fuck out. I had gained about 3 pounds and gotten really depressed on it. I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding for about a month now. However, I’m freaking out because of the (really small) weight gain and the depression is a bit concerning too. I’m going to go off the pill for a bit because the doctor said it might reset my IUD to go back to no periods. I don’t see why we can’t try a different IUD, but whatever. After this, there’s not a whole lot of options.
On one hand, I really have a hard time with having periods. It messes with my psychologically and physically. I like not having them. On the other hand, I don’t like being depressed. It bothers me because I was not that depressed for a long time. It hit me like quick sand. You know?
I’m trying to get back into doing things that I enjoy. I’m going to attribute part of the lifting of the depression mist to the My Little Pony game I downloaded onto the tablet I just got. Today, I walked to the store despite it being a bit chilly and my ankle hurting a bit. I’m trying to figure out exercise I can do that won’t aggravate my ankle and doesn’t involve swimming or travel. Probably just calisthenics and core stuff.
On Monday, I see Charon and I think we’re finally going to start on the Reclaiming your Life from a Traumatic Experience Exposure Therapy workbook. I’m both extremely anxious and well, mostly just anxious. I don’t really know what to expect and I will not do recordings. I don’t like audio recordings. It’s hard for me to listen to them. I know the first step is talking about it and I don’t want to. I hate talking about it.
I have a really hard time talking about things I don’t like talking about. It’s sometimes physically impossible. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true. I shut down and withdraw. I’m going to bring my new stuffed Panda with me in case I need support. Maybe I should write it down first. I do better writing things down.
I’m seeing my psychiatrist on Tuesday. I’m going to ask about the follow-up on case management stuff and what she thinks I should do. I’m also going to mention the depression and eating disorder stuff. Had I mentioned on here that I had purged earlier this year? It’s sort of depressing. I haven’t brought it up to Charon yet either.
I’m seeing the physical therapist early on Wednesday for, hopefully, the last time for my ankle. It got better and then got worse. I had stopped doing the exercises, but still. It’s very painful to do some of the things so she said not to do them anymore.
I do want to say something good. I’ve noticed that my skin has been tightening up a bit. I can’t imagine I’ll be having too much loose skin from my drastic weight loss. (I am 166 give or take, down over 100 lbs from starting.)
I like Flapjack. She’s pretty awesome. I haven’t told her about being a drug addict in recovery yet. I don’t know when to bring that up. I did ask her out on a Skype Date. (She lives in the UK and I live in the US.) She said yes. That makes me happy. She’s very pretty and very funny and is as anxious and adventurous as I am. I think that’s pretty cool.
Well, I think that’s enough of an update for today. Oh, Lent is coming up. I’m not Christian, but I’m planning on doing a fast/sacrificial offering of some sort this year.
I’m going to go find a movie to watch. I hope I’m on again soon.
-The Sarcastic Autist