Yesterday was very sick day.  I am not so sick today.  A little sick, but am feeling much better.

Yoshi, ikzou.  I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things.  It’s going to take me a bit, but I’m going to do it.  My motto this year is “Make the Attempt”.  And it’s not a true attempt if you give up.  And the adventure is in the attempt and I love adventure.  Anyway, moving along.

Today I just wanted to say one of my new favourite Mantras: Stop.  Breathe.  Recognize.  Empathize.  I’ve been saying this anytime I start getting panicky or stressed out.  Let me break it down.

Example.  Earlier, I had sent Flapjack a picture that could be considered risque.  She didn’t respond immediately and so I began to catastrophize.  “She thinks I’m ugly.  She thinks I’m fat.  She’s posting this all over the internet and laughing at me.”  I stopped.  Literally stopped everything, even breathing.  Then I took a deep breathe.  In.  Out.

Recognize: What am I feeling?  What brought on these emotions?  What is my body doing?  why is my body doing this?  Is this really how I feel?  Is any of this based on reality or am I being delusional or insecure?

Anxious.  My heart was racing a bit and my breathing was getting a bit quick.  I was twisting my wrist.  All signs of anxiety or distress for me.  Twisting my wrist is what really made me realize I was anxious.

Empathize: What is my current self talk?  Would I talk to anyone else this way?  How can I redirect?

Normally, my self talk is very mean.  I do not tell myself to stop being mean.  I don’t go “oh, hey, you’re being a bloody wanker to yourself.  Stop being a dick.”  I go “oh, hey, I guess I’m feeling really upset with myself right now.  While I don’t want to call myself names, it’s okay to have that reaction and there’s nothing wrong with it.  I’m feeling anxious and that’s okay.  I’m feeling upset that I’m anxious and that’s okay too.  There’s not much I can do about what Flapjack does, but I put myself out there and that’s what matters.  There’s adventure in the attempt and the attempt is the adventure.  It’s all gonna be okie dokie.”

And it sounds really lame.  It sounds kinda silly.  And I’m okay with that.  It’s a bit more complicated than I put here.  I’m a bit high on cough syrup I think.

Anyway, I am going to log off before I post too much weird stuff.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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