Charon is sick today. Which means no therapy today. However, that doesn’t mean I can skip out on blogging because I’m trying to get back into the habit of it. I got real slack about everything for a few months. I had gotten depressed.
No matter, I’m here now and that’s what counts, right? Let’s see…
I don’t think I’ve ever had a healthy relationship with food. When I was a kid, it was devour anything and everything I could because I never knew when my next food was going to be. Then that tuned into bouts of not wanting to eat at all because people would call me fat. Which turned into eating on a rigid schedule so I wouldn’t overeat by accident. Which turned into bulimia in high school after my mum’s gastric bypass and my rape and constant comparisons to other “pretty girls”. Which then turned into eating a lot of junk food and alcohol because it was cheap and didn’t require any effort. Which then turned into my most recent 2-3 year struggle with bulimia. Which turned into now, the struggle to stop restricting and to allow my body to let me know what it needs.
I finished reading Eating in the Light of The Moon. It’s a bit new agey. I also do recommend reading it if you struggle with food or disordered eating. It did more than just help me learn about my ED issues, but also helped me realize that I have been hiding from my beliefs and been scared to share that I believe in that sort of thing.
Which again leads me to wonder… What else am I so afraid of that I lie to myself? Besides the dark… That is a totally legit fear. 100%. I have a fear of things I can’t see. There’s nothing wrong with that.
-The Sarcastic Autist