Lost & Broken

Hey, I’ll work on replies and everything tomorrow.  Tonight I just kinda need a place to vent and not worry about being nice or polite.

I feel like I kind’ve been in a sort of half-shutdown half-depressed sort of state.  I’m able to enjoy things and have fun, but anything that means bettering myself or making a Life More Worth Living freezes me in my tracks.

I’m not even trying anymore.  I laugh and joke and read my fun fiction books about zombies, but put forth no effort in getting a case worker again or filling out the endless forms for housing and such.  Charon has really been pushing me to get a case worker to help me out with all this stuff.the last time I had a case worker in this county, she was very mean to me.

Charon says I need to get out of my mother’s place.  No argument there.  I have no faith in my ability to take care of myself.  I manage okay when living with someone else, but I clash a lot too.  I need to pick up my room and I have no idea where anything goes anymore.  I’ve been struggling to keep up with laundry enough so that I can have clean socks and underwear.

I totally binged on junk food today.  Lent being over means I got my scales back and the scale is within normal range of what I was before, give or take.  So I got that going for me at least.

I also got all these people telling me how inspirational and wise and resilient and special I am and how kind and nice I treat everyone else.  I don’t feel those things.

I mostly just feel like a lost and broken little girl.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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