Presentness and Tiredness

Hey all!  I replied to everything (I hope).  I feel like such a shite person for leaving everything off for so long.  I just read one of my old posts and it’s like it was written by a different person.  I was also taking sleep meds at that point.  But it was very uplifting and comforting, in a way.

I talked about how the past is clay that was already put in the kiln and fired and the present is the clay I’m working with and the future is all the possibilities that I could shape the clay.  I kind of want to add to that real quick.

Sometimes we think something from our past is one way, when it was really another.  It can be an earth-shattering realization.  An example being that, it’s not my fault that my dad is a dick and my being gay has nothing to do with that.  The past was one way but now I see it different.  It’s like the pottery was broken and I got to put it back together using gold, like the Japanese do with that one thing.  Perception changes and all that.

Also that I can’t change the past and I can only work on me in the Present.  I keep forgetting that too.

I have been staving off a panic attack and I don’t know what I’m feeling panicky about.  Oh well.

I’m tired.  Off to bed because I’m taking Zantac for allergies and that knocks me out.  Did you know Zantac is used for allergies?  Apparently my Zyrtec is only an H1 inhibitor and my doctor wants me to try an H2 inhibitor too.  And Zantac is an H2 inhibitor.  And it also makes me sleepy.

Stay rainbow-licious.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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