blech

I’m a wreck.  I got a call from the allergist and they said I have no allergies.  Which makes no sense because I had a test a few years ago where I had several allergies.  I don’t know what happened between then and now, and I feel like I’m being called a liar or that I had lied to everyone for years about this.

I’m really upset.  Because they were saying it’s just food sensitivities.  But what the fuck.  People who are lactose intolerant can still have cheese and lactose free stuff.  I can’t even use inhalers with milk protein in them because I get sick.  The flu shot with egg makes me sick.  I have Oral Food Allergy syndrome with several fruits and vegetables, which would only make sense if I’m allergic to the corresponding pollen.  I get anaphalaxys when I have nuts (okay, and one time I started doing it with kiwi, it sucked, used to love kiwi).

If I’m not allergic to any dust or pollen or anything, why is it hard to breathe outside right now?  The fuck is going on with the itchiness and runny nose and shit?  It would make sense to be allergic.  People without allergies don’t have these symptoms so the fuck is going on with my body?  Why can no one answer my questions about these things?  The allergist people want me to go see a weird integrative health doctor.  I looked her up and talked to a receptionist about it.  Because I don’t know the fuck this doctor was about.

A glorified nutritionist.  They want me to see a glorified nutritionist.  I won’t see a glorified nutritionist. I won’t see any nutritionist because any idiot can call themselves one. For fucks sake, I’m not even seeing the dietician I was before.  My issue isn’t not eating the food itself, it’s why can’t I eat it? I hate being vegan.  Vegan cheese is terrible.  I’m not fond of soy products.  If I’m not allergic, it’s not fair that I can’t have them.

I’m not understanding any of it and no one is helping me understand what’s going on and I’m crying because I’m so frustrated.

Alright, I’m also frustrated from yesterday still.  I am so fucking pissed off at myself for being unable to really talk about the thing.  I just..

I hate everything.  I feel like a shit person and I don’t want to do anything anymore and I hate everything and don’t want to talk to anyone and I hate myself.

I’m not suicidal or anything, because that would take a lot more effort than I’m able to give right now.

I’m just done.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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One thought on “blech

  1. Sarcastic Autist, your blog is currently included on our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please click on the “How do you want your blog listed?” link at the top of that site to personalize your blog’s description.
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

    Liked by 1 person

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