Exposure Therapy-Session 2 (again)

Hello, Everyone!  So, I’ve been weighing under 160 for 3 days in a row now.  I really want to get down to at least 155, so I’m within normal range. I also got a fitbit today so I can do challenges with my friends.  There’s nickel in the band and I’m so friggin itchy.  I got the charge 2 because it has guided breathing.  I actually like the guided breathing with the watch.  Probably because it gives me an excuse to play with my new toy.

I’ve been having a lot of little flashbacks lately.  I want to call them mini flashes.  They only last a moment and then I’m stuck with the feelings for a while after.

There was a creeper that was at the library and then at the store who followed me and kept bothering me.  He had honked at me when I was walking and he was driving a van.  It scared me.  I had anxiety attack but not a full blown panic attack.  It was close though.  In the store.  It was surreal.

Like, even now, I’m pretty much just zoned.

Did you guys know that part of exposure therapy is repeating, in detail, the trauma over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again?  Did you also know that I suck and verbalizing things?  Especially that.  And when I close my eyes right now, I have a hard time.

Blech.  Of course, I’ve been up since 2 in the fucking morning.  I could just be really vulnerable to being activated.   My head hurts right now and I’m sick of everything.

-The Sarcastic Autist


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