So, I had a meltdown yesterday. My phone got caught in a boot loop Thursday and I was given incorrect information on how to activate my back up phone. I thought I would be able to use my phone yesterday and now I can’t use it until Tuesday. So I had a meltdown. I yelled […]
I have this thing where every time I start having a flashback, I pull back. Any time I start having really strong emotions or I’m doing something that reminds me of the rape or anything unpleasant or traumatizing for me, I pull back or I shut down, dissociate. This is the opposite of helpful in […]
Hey all! So, I’ve been trying to figure out why I blame myself for stuff emotionally, even if I know logically that whatever it is isn’t my fault. What core inner beliefs do I have that, even if they are 100% lies, cause me to go through a whirlwind shitstorm of should’ve, could’ve, and would’ves? […]
Okay, so I can’t remember if I posted yesterday about the killer flashback/nightmare thing I had Thursday night. It really fucked with me so I’m posting about it again. Normally, when I have a bad nightmare or flashback like that, I have to get out and do something physically taxing to get my mind off […]
First things first. I am in pain. My left ovary area has been going in and out with random flashes of sharp, stabbing pain. I’m also wearing my binder today, so that makes it a bit harder to breathe, but I’m okay with that. I like looking down and seeing flatness. It makes me feel […]
Got my binder yesterday, yay! I’m so excited! I’m wearing it right now. When I wear it and I look down and don’t see boobs, I’m so happy. It’s a bit weird because I don’t want to be a dude 24/7 and I don’t want to be a girl either. I just want to be […]
So, I had DnD yesterday. It was fun. I had myself sit between two people so I was technically trapped and I engaged in physical contact via touching people’s shoulders to get their attention. I did not leave early. I did not hide in the bathroom the entire time. I’m very proud of myself. Although, […]
I have Dungeons and Dragons today. I don’t know what I want to wear yet. I really want to wear my Deadpool shoes but I’m not sure it’ll go with the top I want to wear. Add in that I want to bind today and you got a whole lot of “I don’t know what […]
I’m sore and a bit tired today. Then again, I haven’t had any coffee yet. It’s me mum’s birthday so I got up and gave her her present already (an electric razor) and made her breakfast (Pepperidge Farms Apple Puff Pastry). Tonight I have a surprise of a chocolate truffle cake cupcake. I got a […]
Fun Fact: Did you know a lot of autistic people, especially the women/girls/females/whatever, identify as gender neutral or as a gender not what they were assigned at birth? I thought that was an interesting tidbit. My blog is what I like to think of as Free Form. I log on and write whatever is on […]
the sarcastic autist 