So, my appointment with my therapist was cancelled today, which really sucks because I really needed to talk to her. I know I could call but I don’t want to bother her. Which is kind of silly since she said I could call her about stuff anytime and if she was busy she just wouldn’t pick up so it’s not like I would interrupt anything. She was very specific about that because I had told her before that I didn’t want to bother her outside of session.
Honestly, a huge thing for me right now is my mum. She has been playing this game called Freeso which is basically a free version of the Sims Online. It really bothers me and activates anxiety and anger and flashbacks to shit that happened when I was younger because of her fucking goddamned computer game shit. She would often ignore my brother’s and my needs, basic needs mind, to play her fucking games. Mostly the Sims Online.
She just couldn’t be arsed to take care of her kids and instead she shoved all the responsibility onto us and nothing is ever her fault unless she can play victim. It’s fucking ridiculous and I really do believe she fits into the Narcissistic Personality symptoms, ya know?
I know that I should really just be letting this go because it’s a bit ridiculous. But if she wasn’t so neglectful of my brother and me, maybe I wouldn’t have so many issues. I mean, I’m mad at my parents because they were/are both abusive fucks. My mum was physically abusive until a few years ago I threatened to kill her if she ever laid hands on me again. I feel terrible that I had to go to such lengths to get her to stop. Mostly because I was dead serious.
If she wasn’t so neglectful and maybe if she actually cared, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so much shit from my dad. Maybe it would have never happened because she would be there to protect me. But she wasn’t. She still isn’t.
Our relationship is only good when I stop thinking about her as my mum and I think of her solely as a bad roommate.
-The Sarcastic Autist