Tidbits and Shitbits

I passed out shortly after 8 last night and woke up an hour or so ago.  I’m still a bit tired, but the cat decided that I can’t sleep when I’m having nightmares (or when she wants pets and attention).  Oh, at the beginning of the month, I lost a $20 bill.  It was supposed to be for my mum because she pays my Hot Topic credit card out of her account and I give her the money for it.  I found it this morning on the floor wrapped up in a receipt from a grocery store.  I’m so happy because I’m fucking broke and so is she since I had to pay for Neko-chan to see the vet and then get a new phone that was way more expensive than I was planning and she’s been helping me buy food.  Mostly coffee and saltines.  I have no self control when it comes to eating saltines.

Remember a few years ago when I was invited to that birthday party for a friend?  He didn’t have one last year because his mum was sick.  He’s having one next week and that’s the day I have Dungeons and Dragons.  I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet.  On one hand, I want to go to this party because I’m seldom invited to things.  On the other hand, I made a commitment to my Dungeons and Dragons group.  Advice on that would be welcome.

I have an appointment next Tuesday to see the gynecologist about surgery since I’ve been having so much pain in my pelvic area.  Mostly on the right side where I used to have an ovary.  The pain is to the point where walking hurts.  All the time, just pain.  I take over the counter medicines for it, but they don’t work well for some stupid reason.  I can’t work out or do anything without pain.  Even just sitting here is pain.  So we are going to discuss surgical options.  We aren’t going to pursue more hormone therapy until after, and then she wants to wait until I see a gender therapist to talk about HRT options that would be a two-for-one deal.

I’m on the cusp of freaking out over giving my therapist those blog posts.  I guess it hasn’t hit me yet.  Even if it has, there’s not much I can do.  I’m kinda shut down from all the shit I have going on.  I’ll freak out later for you guys, promise.  (I really hope not, actually, I take back that promise.)

I did end up asking her the one question that had been bothering me the most and now my curiosity is sated and I’m back to not giving a fuck because her life is her life and I don’t like prying or being overly nosy.  I mean, I like her and all, but there’s also this thing called boundaries and she’s my therapist, not my friend.  If she was my friend, I wouldn’t be talking to her about half the shit I do.  Unless she was Kuma-chan because I tell Kuma-chan just about everything.

There’s few things I love to eat more than ramen.  And there’s this spicy ramen that is vegan that I’ve come to fucking love.  My mum said she would take me to the store that sells it this Friday for my birthday.  She also said she would order me pizza from this pizza place that I call Gay Pizza.  They have a sign that says LG3T pizza and I keep thinking it says LGBT and so I want it.  Simply because of that.

I think I might just be a little depressed lately.  It’s around this time that I had the miscarriage.  How do I know it was a miscarriage?  The shit ton of blood.  Like, holy shit.  And an ungodly amount of pain.  Good thing I was using a lot of drugs and alcohol.

It kinda makes me sad and upset and angry that the one time I got pregnant was probably the only time I’d ever get pregnant and it was because of rape.  So I did what I could to get rid of it.

Ah well.  I’m going to go finish my Japanese studies and read.  Maybe go back to bed again.

Have a good day/night/whatever.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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