Okay, y’all ready for this one?
This morning on my ride to group, the taxi driver was a woman I’ve had a few times. Subject came up and I mentioned I don’t want kids because it kinda creeps me out. I love children, it’s just the idea of me being pregnant. She kept insisting that I’ll change my mind one day and that miracles happen and that once I get pregnant I’ll fall in love with the baby and all this cishet normative, super religious crap. So I told her that I can’t have kids, I have Endometriosis and it’s very painful, I’m considering getting a hysterectomy anyway.
Y’all. She said “My people, black people from Africa, have a higher pain tolerance than your white people.” I went off. Legit. I told her that endometriosis is more painful than the broken bones I’ve had, way more painful than getting hit by a car, I’d rather have regular menstrual cramps because fuck this noise. I’ve had so many surgeries and I’ve had my right ovary removed and I’ve thrown up because of the pain. I would rather have a migraine than an endo flare up. Then I told her that I’m mixed and that my mum’s side is mostly Asian and Native and yeah, my dad is white as fuck, but holy shit. Who says shit like that?
I don’t know if I should report her or not. I may just talk to her the next time I see her and give her a heads up as to why what she said was not okay, because she may just not know and I don’t want to go nuclear first thing. She is an immigrant and wasn’t raised here, so I’m cutting her some slack.
The only person I’ve told so far is Luffy. I’m going to talk to Cybele about it tomorrow, I’m calling Kuma-chan right now, and I don’t know if I’m going to wait until Monday to talk to Charon or just email her. I know the longer I wait, the longer I’m going to be stewing on these emotions.
It’s just that… To the coffee shop guy, I wasn’t white enough, and now, to this lady, I’m too white. I can’t fucking win. Outside of my childhood with my father and the occasional asshole who assumed I couldn’t speak English when I got tan, this is the most racism I’ve gotten from people. I’m used to prejudice because of my religious views, being a gay enby AFAB, autistic, in therapy, all sorts of things. Racism as an adult is new.
I tore that lady a new one. I wish I had that sort of attitude during other times of being invalidated, not just because someone is belittling my pain. I guess years in and out of various doctors and hospitals got me to the point where I will stand up for myself and say “Hey, my pain is real and legit, you can’t tell me it isn’t”. So, go me?
Seriously though, if I could channel that self-righteous anger at homophobes and shit, I’d be golden.
-The Sarcastic Autist