Trying to Figure Things Out

Okay, so reading about how trans people have transitioned and all the different ways binary folks have done it has been really inspiring and all.  I have no clue how nonbinary people do it.  There are things insurance will cover if you are MTF but not FTM and vice versa.  Like sometimes insurance will cover hair removal.  I think that’s a nifty thing.  I hate hair.  With a passion.  I love how the T has been giving me a deeper voice and my body shape has changed a bit and all, I can see and hear the differences.  I don’t like the hair part.  I wish there was a way to get that without the hair part.  I don’t like the hair.  I’m kinda iffy on the clit growth, but that’s because I think it looks weird and not like a real penis.  If it looked like a real penis, I probably would have less of an issue with it.

I want a real penis.  Or at least a real packer penis that isn’t 5″ long because it was supposed to be 2″.  My penis is too big.  I’m complaining about it on here because there’s nowhere else I can really complain about it.  I ordered a small and got a large.  It’s okay.  It’s fine.  At least now I know for sure I don’t want a large penis.

I’ve been thinking more about top surgery, getting my breasts chopped off and rearranged more manly.  I like the idea of having smaller tatas because my bust is way too large (much like my penis), but the idea of having top surgery and waking up to a man chest every day doesn’t appeal to me.  I’m still fine wearing a binder.  I wouldn’t mind getting my boobs and nips smallified, but I would rather them stay how they are then get someone who doesn’t know what they are doing and have fucked up titties, you know?

In other news, I’ve been thinking about the rape again, but more in the sense of trying to figure out why that particular instance fucked with me.  It wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t the last time I’d been molested or raped so I don’t know why my brain decided that was the instance that totally needed to fuck with me.  I know I shut down for most of the other instances and I guess maybe this was more random to me.  I don’t know.  That’s why I’ve been trying to figure it out.  I’ve also just been thinking about it more.  Not really stressed out about it like I have been in the past, so I’m taking that as a win.

Well, I got other things I want to do.  I hope you all have a good one.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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