Okay, I promise I’ll respond to comments later, probably tomorrow or something. I just got back from therapy and my trans-masc support group.
I talked to Charon and I am going to have to get a new therapist. Honestly, while I’m sad, it’s probably for the best because there’s stuff I don’t think I’d be able to tell her, mostly about the molestation stuff. I don’t know why, but that just seems like something that would be hard. Also, in two years, I can email her and we can hang out and do friend stuff. So I already put a reminder in my phone to email her in two years “What’s up? Books?”. I’m kind of excited for that. I want to finish reading this series she recommended me by then. I’ve already started brainstorming “thank you for putting up with my bullshit for 3.5 years” gift.
She recommended another therapist to me and I’m going to ask if I can try to schedule with her in case I don’t like her so I can try again with someone else. I’m going to ask Wednesday. Then I can get that out of the way.
One of the things she and I talked about is the different levels of dissociation I have. She says there are two states, either you are or you aren’t. For me, there are three levels. I used a car analogy. When I’m fully present and mindful, I am driving. Sometimes, when I’m ‘mildly’ dissociated, I am in the passenger seat looking out the windshield and I don’t know who or what is driving, but it isn’t me. When I’m ‘moderately’ dissociated, I am in the backseat, watching me(or who/whatever) drive. When I’m ‘fully’ dissociated, I’m knocked out in the trunk. I wasn’t able to fully express that. I have a hard time communicating with people sometimes. Also, I don’t think it really matters what she and I talk about outside DBT stuff because she’s not going to be my therapist after the 15th of next month.
That’s all for now. Thank you. I’ll post more later.
-The Sarcastic Autist