I had my last DBT group today.  Everyone said such nice things about me.  I gave Charon the letter I wrote to her and I gave her this joke shaker thingy full of jokes for her.  I asked if she would accept old Chaz and she said yes.  So now Charon has old Chaz.  I don’t know if she’ll actually read any of my posts (hi if you are, hope you enjoy the joke shaker thingy) and I won’t be changing how I write or what I write.  She’s proven to be trustworthy people.  I do talk a lot about stuff that I never talked about in therapy with her, though, and I’m kinda nervous on how she’ll take that.  It’s nothing against her as a therapist or a person, it’s more that I’m a potato and I’m not good at talking about things.

Plus, at this point, nothing she can really do about it. My blog, my rules, my way of expressing things I otherwise can’t express.

I cried when I got home and read the card I got for graduating (again). I cried on the cat and she got upset. I got my blanket and pillow and glasses and cat all soaked. I’m sad and I miss everyone already.  I did share my contact information with people, so it’s not like I won’t be able to talk to them again. I’m still sad, though. The front desk people told me I could drop in and say hi to them when I’m over there for coffee.  They said they’ll miss me too.

I’m trying to accept that I feel sad and that feeling sad is a totally reasonable and okay emotion to feel. I’m allowed to feel sad. I’d known all those folx for a few months now and I got to know them.  I’ve known Charon for near 4 years. I did promise both Charon and the other therapist that runs the group that I wasn’t going to kill myself. So, now I’m not going to kill myself.  I recognize that some people get worried about that.

I’m trying to think of what I want to work on in therapy with the new therapist. I kinda need to know if I’ll even be able to work with her at all, first.  The thing I do know I need to work on is sleep, since my nightmares and night terrors and bad dreams are being bad as of late. My insurance is being a butt about my sleep medicine that I haven’t taken in a few years. The only way I’ve been getting any sleep is by drinking, which we all know is unhealthy.

Kuma-chan said she’d help me make a list if she was emotionally available to.  I understand that she not be because she has a lot going on right now.  I’m okay with it.  I still love her.

I’m going to go ahead and call this a  post so I can go continue to be sad.

Thank you for reading.  You are all such lovely people.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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