Stressed AF

I haven’t written in a while because life has been so hectic and I’ve been dealing with a shit ton of stress.

My mum has been in a rehab facility for a few weeks now.  She has kidney stones again.  When they did the procedure to blast one of her kidneys, it fucked up her back and she had to go to hospital.  Until she is able to wipe her own ass again, she can’t come back home.  I don’t want her to come back until I’ve talked to the social worker there about getting supports set up for her at home.  I would like her to at least have a PCA.  I am hopefully going to be moving out soon and my brother works 40+ hours a week doing a very physically tasking job.  My sister-in-law isn’t able to help my mum out with all the stuff she needs help with.

I’ve gained weight because I’ve been eating like shit, drinking like shit, and not exercising.  I’ve also been having more pain, but that’s probably because of my shit lifestyle right now.  The weight gain makes me feel like shit.

I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately.  I’ve also been having a lot of memories come up and flashbacks and my sleep is utter shite.  I’ve been struggling with staying present and not dissociating.  I’ve been dissociating a lot more often, several times a day, if not all day, and I haven’t a clue how to get myself back on track.  I think part of the reason I’ve been like this is because my mum hasn’t been home and therefore I feel a bit safer.

I’m still waiting on that apartment.  In case I hadn’t described it before, it’s a Section 42, Low Income Housing Tax Credit apartment in a new building.  It’s combinable with my Section 8 voucher.  I got approved by the apartment complex, then by Section 42, and Section 8 has now said I can afford it and I’ve received my estimated rent portion.  I’m still waiting to hear back about the Section 8 inspection.  Once they do the inspection, I can sign the lease and move in.  I have to figure out with my liason guy how the rent deposit thing is going to work.

Speaking of the liason guy, I accidentally got two different housing companies working with me for a bit.  It’s fixed now, but jeepers, that was stressful.  When I originally got the call from Rainbow (fake name) about the Voucher, I hadn’t realized I would be assigned a worker.  I had been working with a different company, Village (also fake name).  So, when I was told that I would be working with someone from Rainbow, I let Village know, but Village didn’t believe me for whatever reason so I had overlapping services.  I feel bad about that still but I’m told it’s taken care of now.

I’m stressed about the apartment.  I have no pots or pans.  I bought some cheap silverware and a bucket yesterday.  It made me feel a bit better prepared.  I don’t really have a lot of cleaning supplies.  I may or may not have a couch, it’s going to depend on how my brother says the couch is.  I don’t have a bookshelf.  I have a lot of books.  I don’t know how to set up utilities.  I’m not sure how much utilities are.

I have a bucket and I have a plunger and I’m good.  I’m trying to be chill about this but it is very anxiety inducing.

I have a Pathfinder convention coming up in a couple weeks.  That’s also stress inducing.  I’m just stressed.  I need a hug.  And sleep.  And some dishes.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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