Hey all, sorry I’ve been MIA. I’ve been really struggling lately. Half the time I feel like I’m in some sort of weird dream state, the other half I’m just so depressed I can barely do anything. I’ve been dealing with a lot of urges to cut. I haven’t, though. The urge is there. Honestly, […]
Trigger/Activation Warning: Alright, it has been a fucking week, let me tell you. I’m still dealing with the shock from my brother’s declaration that my experiences are/were real and that I’m not crazy. Adding on to that, I’m graduating DBT soon and I’m unsure if I’m going to be able to keep seeing […]
I’m feeling overwhelmed and I have been fighting the urge to cut for a while now. I had a talk with Charon the other day and it turns out that I was misunderstanding something she was telling me, so now we have that out of the way and can continue to move forward. I’m feeling […]
Trigger Warning: Childhood Abuse It hasn’t quite been an hour yet. I managed to write the two instances I remember down, even if it isn’t very detailed. Before I type them up, I feel like I should give some background on some things. When I was a kid, we lived in […]
Okay, I had DBT group today, again the LGBT one, and again, I didn’t hate it. I like the people. I ran into the issue of getting anxious and wanting to leave. My heart rate went from it’s normal 50-70 range to 130 at one point. I spent the better half of group focusing on […]
Okay, so I sleep better wearing lots of clothes again. Especially a bra, which I know you aren’t supposed to do. Let’s explore why. (Trigger Warning for childhood abuse) To start with, what I’m about to write is something I’m kind of hesitant to post. I just need to get it out there. I’m struggling […]
Okay, so, I posted briefly about the fender bender we had yesterday. Honestly, just talking about it has helped a bit and, while I like that, I hate that it proves my therapist right that talking about things instead of shoving them into the dark recesses of my mind is more helpful and healthy. I […]
Charon will be out next week. That’s okay. It gives me time to think about how to talk to her about what we talked about today. She asked if I feel safe at home with my mum. Emotionally, she says. Obviously, the answer is no, but I’m afraid if I tell her that that she’ll […]
I’ve decided I’m going to start a book club of sorts for The Body Keeps The Score. Partly because I told a few friends about it and, since it’s heavy reading, reading it together to process it might be more beneficial. Partly because if I have to suffer, so do others. It’s a very triggering book […]
I’m going to be starting a DBT group again next month. Seeing as I was suicidal last week and, while I’m not suicidal anymore, I’m still not done being depressed. I would describe what I’m feeling as the same as the months after my rape, the shame and feeling of unworthiness and knowing that somehow, […]
the sarcastic autist 