Hello, friends! Wow, has it been a rollercoaster ride these last few weeks. I’m having a really hard time with my depression and PTSD/CPTSD/whatever the fuck is wrong with me lately and have been doing the bare minimum lately. In addition, I have cramps right now and I don’t even have a uterus, so this […]
I had my last DBT group today. Everyone said such nice things about me. I gave Charon the letter I wrote to her and I gave her this joke shaker thingy full of jokes for her. I asked if she would accept old Chaz and she said yes. So now Charon has old Chaz. I […]
Charon and I talked for a few minutes this morning before group. She said the therapist she recommended doesn’t think she’d be a good fit. I only have to find someone who deals with extensive childhood trauma in autistic queer folx. I’ve lost weight over the last few weeks because of the stress and shit […]
Okay, I promise I’ll respond to comments later, probably tomorrow or something. I just got back from therapy and my trans-masc support group. I talked to Charon and I am going to have to get a new therapist. Honestly, while I’m sad, it’s probably for the best because there’s stuff I don’t think I’d be […]
I ended up texting Charon on Sunday because of what happened Saturday night. What happened Saturday is that my brother and I had a conversation. His brother-in-law overdosed and took a video and sent it to their entire family via text. My nephew plays on his parents’ phones a lot and could have seen it. […]
Charon is out of the office this week and I promised I would text her if I absolutely needed to. Any time I think to text her, I start feeling anxious because I don’t want to bother her. Even though she said I could bother her. She is encouraging me to bother her. I am […]
I made a total jack-ass of myself today. First, I was telling this trans person that they should stick melons down their shirt to make it fit better. Why the fuck I thought that was okay to tell someone I barely knew, I don’t know. That was not okay. For the record, I tell friends […]
Sleep is a myth perpetuated by Big Pharma and the makers of Melatonin. I had panic attacks yesterday. Yes, plural. So, shit is actually getting pretty bad and I should really talk to Charon about it. Every night is nightmares/night terrors. I wake up sweating and/or shaking half the time. This is getting bad. I […]
I had my first meeting at the LGBT DBT group yesterday. Let me tell you, it was surreal being in room where I wasn’t the minority. I enjoyed being with people who I didn’t feel like I had to put a front on for. A lot of times, I feel like I have to act […]
I’m not feeling great today. I haven’t been sleeping well because of nightmares and just being afraid of sleep. The reason for today’s post is because I think I broke my mind Tuesday. I was replaying a conversation I had with my therapist Charon because I was feeling a bit gaslit by something and wanted […]
the sarcastic autist 