I’ve decided I’m going to start a book club of sorts for The Body Keeps The Score. Partly because I told a few friends about it and, since it’s heavy reading, reading it together to process it might be more beneficial. Partly because if I have to suffer, so do others. It’s a very triggering book […]
I got a new boot-brace Air Walker thingy for my ankle today. I’m not sure why I can’t just use one of my old ones, but sure, whatever makes the doctor happy. I also had to pick up some ointment/cream for this weird rash/hives thingy I got going on. It’s weird. And annoying. Not much […]
Okay, I’m mostly off the Viibryd, just taking 5 mg every few days to keep the brain zaps from being debilitating. I’m doing a lot better than I was the other day. Honestly, if I didn’t have the brain zaps, I’d say my mood is only slightly more depressed than usual. Treatment Resistant Depression y’all. […]
I woke up early because I need to do laundry and I don’t like being out when there are people in the office since the office is right by the laundry room. The fucking machines kept denying my card. I tried my mum’s card too. Denied. Except they still took over $20 dollars from my […]
I haven’t heard from Flapjack in a week now. She’s been completely blowing me off and ignoring me. I would understand it more if she was ghosting me, but she hasn’t blocked me on anything. Oh well. Despite knowing that it’s a terrible idea, I’ve decided to taper myself off my Viibryd. I don’t want […]
Flapjack and I “amicably separated” Friday night. I spent most of yesterday forcing myself to read or sleep so I wouldn’t end up doing anything stupid. I’m really sad. I’m trying to use this as an opportunity to practice my DBT skills. Mostly, I’ve just been trying to figure out what I’ve been feeling. I’m […]
I’m tired and worn out. It feels like it’s been nonstop gogogogogogogogogo lately. A lot of doctor appointments. I had my last physical therapy appointment today for my pelvic/back pain. I give up. My pain has been getting worse again. I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I don’t want another surgery so […]
So, something Charon said in our session Monday really bothered me. It’s still bothering me. She said she wants to fix all my problems so I can ‘Build a Life Worth Living’. As in, help me fix my problems so I can better deal with life and be able to actually fully participate in it. […]
I’m going to be starting a DBT group again next month. Seeing as I was suicidal last week and, while I’m not suicidal anymore, I’m still not done being depressed. I would describe what I’m feeling as the same as the months after my rape, the shame and feeling of unworthiness and knowing that somehow, […]
I’ve been depressed. I’ve been more depressed than I have been in years. By that, I mean I’ve been suicidally depressed. I have no plans to actually kill myself and I don’t want to kill myself. I enjoy being alive for the most part. I just hate myself and wish I was dead so I […]
the sarcastic autist 