Testing Problems and Concerns

I need to vent.  So, I’ve been doing this testing thing with Argon to determine my mental diagnosis/status/whatever, right?   I’m supposed to see him Tuesday, but I’m going to cancel.  He kept postponing the appointments and I didn’t feel like I could trust him and I ended up not telling him a lot of things.  I had a list of things written out and I had forgotten to bring it, but he said never mind about it.

Okie dokie, that’s chill, I can understand that.  It’s just that, after that, it felt like he was being really dismissive of me.  It’s been eating away at me for the last few weeks.  At our last appointment, he was telling me that I must have been amused by this story that I had to read because I kept smiling.  I can’t help it.  I have  a facial tic.  The boy in this video has one very similar to me.

So I told Argon that I have this facial tic and he kept pushing that I must have thought it was funny because I smiled.   Despite me repeatedly telling him otherwise.  In the end, I gave up and just agreed with him because he wasn’t letting it go.  It was the only way I felt like we could move on with the stupid testing.

It was like that the entire time.  I ended up playing with Chaz the Spaz toy a lot and it was really stressful.  I’ve never had testing be that fucking stressful before.  I feel like he had his mind made up before we even started the testing.  This is why I don’t like testing with men.  That and I’m kind of sexist and feel really uncomfortable around them because PTSD.

He also had my mother fill out some forms  Again, this despite the fact that my mother was rather neglectful growing up and she doesn’t even know what my favourite food is.  (it’s kimchi, I have a weird obsession with it).  He refused to believe that my Japanese studies started as a tunnel vision project (where all I want to do is study this one particular thing).  He said he felt it was more of a cultural thing than an actual ‘special interest’.

Dude, no, when all I talked about for months was fucking Japanese language, completely ignoring the culture behind it, it’s a tunnel vision project, not a cultural thing.  Right now my blog is my tunnel vision project because that’s all I want to talk about and everything I do I try and relate to my blog and how I can use it to do the thing.

I just feel really invalidated and ignored by this dude.  I feel like I have every right to request a second opinion, because of his behavior.  I’m going to talk to my therapist about it tomorrow too.    I feel like my anxiety about this whole thing is just leading to a shut down, and I really want to avoid such a thing.

Thanks for letting me vent, my dear readers.  I promise this will get less emo and much more DBT related again soon.

-The Sarcastic Autist

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